Imagine this situation: there is a waiting room with one single row of four seats aligned next to the wall, and a man is sitting down _ M _ _ . A woman enters the room, greets the man out of politeness, and sits down to his right leaving one empty seat between them _ M _ F . The man has noticed the woman is kind of hot. They both look at their phones for one minute, then he has an urge to have another quick scan at her. He thinks she won’t notice since she keeps looking at her phone, and he not-so-discretely turns his head around by 90 degrees. Needless to say, she catches him doing so, hence he loses and she wins.
Most men are not discreet. They see a hot woman walking towards them looking straight ahead, and they scan her from head to foot a couple of times minimum, thinking she won’t notice that. They see a hot woman crossing the weight room looking straight ahead, and they all steal glances clumsily, thinking she won’t notice that.
And most men have no idea whatsoever how peripheral vision works. Mainly because they don’t have a clear understanding of concepts like “chase dynamics” and “Equilibrium of Interests”, and of the fact that most women only want your attention. It goes like this: since most men don’t understand these points, they don’t feel the need to use peripheral vision; and since they don’t use peripheral vision, they are not discreet when they are around attractive women they are not interacting with. This is how most men end up offering their attention to women “for free”, and how most men lose the “who is more interested in whom” game with the strangers around them, without even knowing they were playing such a game.
As you can see, the outlook is pretty grim for most men already. And if you are thinking of exploring the above concepts just a little bit, so that you can use them to be more successful with women, then I’ve got some additional bad news for you: women have been practicing these things all their lives, and as such these concepts are literarily second nature to them. Women know about “chase dynamics”, “Equilibrium of Interests” and the “who is more interested in whom” game instinctively.
But let’s move on to some better news. First off, learning about these concepts, and implementing them in your daily life, will put you miles ahead of the “competition”. And the reason I put “competition” in inverted commas is because most men don’t even know that a game is being played, never mind playing it to win. And with “game” I don’t refer to “mating game” nor “seduction game”, but to the “interpersonal social game”.
By now someone may be wondering:
…“Equilibrium of Interests”…
…the “who is more interested in whom” game…
…“interpersonal social game”…
Enough of these made-up buzzwords already!
Fair point, buzzwords can be annoying, and I know the feeling very well from my corporate job. But let me say this: it’s not that this morning I woke up, decided to make up a few buzzwords, and then started thinking of examples that could suit each buzzword properly. Not at all. More like: this morning I woke up, decided to write a post, needed to express a few things that I instinctively feel (rather than rationally know), and thought of a few buzzwords to express these things. I will write a detailed post on the “Equilibrium of Interests” [done], taking some detailed examples from my daygame activities, but for now let’s just look at a couple of quick examples on the “interpersonal social game”:
A) You are walking on a sidewalk, it’s daytime, almost nobody around. There is a middle-aged woman you are not attracted to walking towards you. When you are fairly close to each other, you try to make eye contact to acknowledge her out of politeness, but she keeps looking straight ignoring you. Sure, she may have lacked politeness (normal social etiquette does not apply in this game). Sure, it’s “her loss”. Sure, you can rationalise it however you want… but the fact remains that, in terms of the “interpersonal social game”, you lost and she won. You wanted something from her (her acknowledging you back), and she did not give it to you.
B) You are alone in the gym weight room. A middle-aged woman you are not attracted to walks out of the locker room into the weight room, while looking at her phone. She’s dressed all flashy, and has that kind of “I’m such a diva” attitude. Instead of keep walking toward the exit, she lingers there for a full 15 seconds, looking at her phone and pretending to be in her own world. Your “she’s fishing for attention” alarm goes off, and you proceed to ruthlessly ignore her. In terms of the “interpersonal social game”, you won and she lost. She wanted something from you (your attention), and you did not give it to her. Well done! Had you looked at her with your direct vision, she would have gotten what she wanted from you, only to then go away pretending not to have seen you. Textbook material.
Every time you lose a round of this game, your social value as perceived by the other person decreases a little bit. And conversely, every time you win a round of this game, your social value as perceived by the other person increases a little bit. Think about that: you may be the hottest and most successful man alive, but the first time you lose a round of this game to Plain Jane, she will have a huge even if only temporary ego boost, and for that fraction of a second she will perceive herself as higher status than you (you wanted something from her, and she denied it). When you, the hottest and most successful man alive, lose three rounds in a row to Plain Jane, that temporary perception of her being higher status than you will transform into something much more deep-rooted than that in her mind (and in your mind as well).
So, let’s say that for some reason you lost a round of this game to a girl. Let’s consider again example B above: for some reason you made the mistake of looking with your direct vision at the woman who was fishing for attention. And she noticed that, of course. Now you can see that “gotcha!” expression on her face, and she’s about to go away after getting what she wanted: what do you do? If you are fairly close to the girl, and the two of you have interacted in the past already, you can restore the balance there and then, simply by going to her and teasing her with that funny but at the same time accusatory expression, saying something like, “who is this pensive girl in the corner?!” (when delivered that from a position of authority, it just means, “don’t fuck with me, don’t even try”). If you are not close to the girl you lost the round to, or if she’s a complete stranger meaning that you can’t just go to her and tease her like that, you take your loss and move on with the rest of your day. Then (example C), when after a few days you meet her again, you put yourself in a position where normal social etiquette would want you to acknowledge her, and proceed to ruthlessly and effortlessly ignore her. Balance restored. [1 => important note on shy girls at the bottom]
Someone may make the mistake of thinking:
But are girls not supposed to be special snowflakes that could never be playing such an opportunistic and silly game?
You are kidding, right? A few girls that know who I am but are not close to me, those girls play this game with me ruthlessly. And this game is not silly at all, since it’s what defines perceived social value.
But was this post not supposed to be about peripheral vision?
Indeed. And in the introductory example, how do you think the woman who was looking at her phone managed to catch the guy stealing a glance at her? In example A, how do you think the woman managed to see that you were waiting for her to acknowledge you back, if she was always looking straight in front of her? In example B, how did you manage to see that the woman had walked out of the locker room and remained there steady for 15 seconds fishing for your attention, if you never looked at her directly? In example C, how did you manage to position yourself close to her without looking at her directly, so that you could ignore her and restore the balance? The answer is always, “through peripheral vision!”.
Peripheral vision is essential to play the “interpersonal social game” properly, and this game, like it or not, is being played every time you are around other people, especially women. Then, the ability to play the “interpersonal social game” is essential to reach fine-tuned “equilibrium of interests” with girls you are attracted to, and with whom you want to escalate things. Peripheral vision is the foundation of this all. Without peripheral vision, a hot girl enters the gym, you deliberately turn around to scan her, and before you know it you are chasing her already.
The time has finally arrived to start covering the technicalities of using peripheral vision.
Let’s start with some good news: peripheral vision is not like a well-kept secret that only women and a handful of men know about. I’m sure each and every man has used his peripheral vision on occasions. But at the same time, I’m also sure most men don’t make a deliberate effort to use it every single moment they are awake, with the only authorised pause being when they are talking to someone and looking them directly in the eyes. And even then, with enough practice you’ll be able to look someone in the eyes while talking to them, while at the same remaining fully vigilant of your surroundings. As of today, I noticed only two cases when I lose control of my peripheral vision (and of my body language as well):
1. When I need to come up with a counterargument during a conversation, and I become fully absorbed in my head assessing what my interlocutor just said and elaborating my counterargument, sometimes while still talking fillers in the meantime (there are only so many things someone can do at once, and for me both peripheral vision and body language go out of the window here)
2. If I’m out walking with someone and I’m fully absorbed in the conversation
Now for some bad news: if you have been reading and waiting for a detailed “how-to” guide to get you started with the mechanical technicalities of using peripheral vision, I’m afraid you won’t find one in this post. Not that I have something to hide, it’s just that I don’t remember how I became so skilled at this.
Let me interview myself to cover any leftover questions you may have:
Interviewer: When did you start consciously and constantly using peripheral vision at all times?
Me: Not sure, maybe it was 10 years ago at the time when I started studying body language, or maybe it was two years ago when I went back in the game and started reading a few things online. The second is most likely.
Interviewer: What are the steps you took to learn and master peripheral vision?
Me: I don’t remember. I’m sure online there are quite a few good “how-to” guides to get you started with that, so no point in reinventing the wheel here. Those mainstream guides will explain the basic technicalities of the tool, they will cover the beginner aspects of it, while here in this post we are looking at how to use the tool, we are focusing on the advanced part. You won’t find this latter part in any other mainstream guide.
Interviewer: Can you provide us with an example of you using peripheral vision?
Me: Sure, let’s look at this picture.
Me: In that kind of situation, since walking in the middle of all those people would be annoying to me, I’d most likely walk while looking at the tree in the very distance, or at the graffiti on the top right, while at the same time navigating my way through the crowd. Sure, there will be details I’ll be missing by doing that, like the eye colour of the two girls to my left for instance, but what’s the point in looking these two girls in the eyes if I’m not going to talk to them?! That would be the quickest way of losing a round of the “interpersonal social game” to those two girls, who most likely I will never see ever again, and hence I won’t be able to restore balance.
Interviewer: Any funny example involving peripheral vision?
Me: Yes, I was in a situation fairly similar to the one described at the very beginning of this post, sitting down in a waiting room at the doctor’s, waiting for my turn. There were four seats aligned next to the wall, and a girl was sitting just on the seat next to me. I could tell we were inspecting each other through peripheral vision, even if we were both pretending to be either looking at our phones or in the distance. On the opposite side of the room, say three metres away from us, there was a bookcase with glass door. The glass door was open. At some point someone closed the glass door, and we both instinctively thought of using that glass to have a better look at each other. After pretending to be ignoring each other for say ten minutes, we made eye contact on that glass on the other side of the room. I had a moment of surprise, since I thought I was going to outplay her by using that glass to have a look at her mirrored image, only to realise that she had had the same idea! She must have felt the same surprise, and it was quite amusing. We were playing the game on equal footing.
Interviewer: Anything else?
Me: At times you cross path with a girl in a group of two (she’s with a friend, with her boyfriend, whatever). She finds you attractive and you can tell from her body language, but since she knows the game quite well, she won’t be looking at you directly as the two of you approach each other (and you won’t be looking at her directly either). You are now almost perfectly aligned, almost about to pass each other. Let’s say she’s at 80 degrees to one of your sides. She can’t help herself no more, and she steals a glance just before passing you. Instead of being like most men, and looking only at what’s happening in from of you (direct vision… boring), you have the full spectrum covered and you catch her turning her head around to look at you. Free little boost for you :)
Interviewer: Any final recommendations?
Me: You need to have discipline, since knowing all about peripheral vision is pointless if you cannot fight your urges to steal glances at hot girls. Be on top of this game. Give out your attention sparingly, especially if the situation is a no-go in terms of escalation or moving things forward.
Interviewer: Anything else before we go?
Me: Sure, the most important thing of all: try not to break your neck while practicing the switch from direct vison to peripheral vision!
 Important note. Sweet feminine girls will pretend not to have seen you for completely different reasons: they are shy and somewhat intimidated by you. With these girls your “she’s fishing for attention” alarm will never go off, and you will never perceive any entitlement nor any diva attitude in them. What I was recommending in the example above does not apply to these girls: by all means, use your peripheral vision to ignore them a little bit to start with, in order to set the correct Equilibrium of Interests, but for God’s sake, don’t mistreat them like the Diva wannabes who want to selfishly use your attention to boost their egos. When you are next to a sweet feminine girl who is alone and pretends not to have seen you, looking straight in front of her and with that somewhat tense expression on her face, just ping her casually and GTFO: that was enough for the day, and she will have time to calm down. When you ping her the following time, she will be much more receptive to you, since the ice has been broken already, and now she is less shy and less intimidated by you.