I’m not taking a shot at you

I’m just expressing my view on the matter

Earlier on today, while I was writing the guide on maximising Looks [1], I kept thinking of the “no affiliate links in here” post, and I felt compelled to add a couple of sentences there to clarify an important point. Because here in the blog, as in my real life, I come on strong with my own opinions. And in my everyday life, having learnt the art of reading body language quite effectively, I can clearly see that some people are “offended” by the fact that I have some strong opinions, when those strong opinions of mine are not aligned with theirs that is.

Luckily, I can only think of a very limited number of people who get “offended” by a confident guy expressing an opinion they don’t agree with. And I say “luckily” because those people come from a place of low confidence and self-doubt, and dealing with them is like dealing with pottery: you need to handle it with extra care, otherwise it breaks down under pressure. And extra care is tiring, since I’d rather “just be myself”. And by the way, those people I’m referring to would greatly benefit from reading this blog, since the human mind is flawed, and leads people to ignore/react badly to a concept when explained by a friend or colleague of theirs, only to then go on the Internet, see the very same thing explained by a complete stranger they have never met before, and go like, “what a brilliant thing I’ve just read”. Same concept, coming from two different sources, received in a completely different fashion. And why is that, my friend? Ego.

Ego is the root problem of many (all?) of the interpersonal problems around us. Ego is what makes you procrastinate getting stared with daygame. Ego is what triggers the excuse-generating part of your mind convincing you that you don’t feel well enough to go running the “scary-long” half-marathon you have been training six months for [2]. Ego is what steers you towards low-value behaviour, like angrily honking at other cars while driving, shouting at the server because they brought you the wrong course, and similar “fine” things. Yeah, ego is that bad. Ego wants you to never step out of your comfort zone, to never take even the smallest chance of failure or embarrassment, etc. And as such, the only way to reach the objectives you have set for yourself, the only way to grow as a person and reach a state internal acceptance, the only way to do all that and more, it’s learning how to keep your ego under your control, rather than the other way around, at all times. Geez I’m digressing again, and I don’t even remember what this post was all about… let me start reading it again from the beginning.

Here we are again. All right, I’m not taking a shot at you… Yes, I was saying that in the post on affiliate links I come on strong with my own opinions on the matter. And for your information, that post is the one I’m the proudest of for the time being, because it contains part of my philosophy of life, and my philosophy of life is who I am. You see, this is what happens when your validation comes from within you, rather than from externalities like “notches” and “flags”: you become proud of the way you think, you become proud of who you are, and you are not afraid of expressing your own strong opinions even when you know you will be going against what the mass has been trained to think on that particular subject. But, and this is the key, at the same time you are high-confidence enough to take the time to listen when someone has a different view compared to yours, you use that occasion to reassess your own position on the matter, and then you either acknowledge to yourself that you were indeed right, or you let your interlocutor know that he/she proved you wrong. And you admit it there and then, proudly, since starting to argue that black is white is one of the many low-status behaviours you need to remember to stay away from.

Back to the affiliate links post. In that post, until this morning, there was no mitigation whatsoever for a possible reader that may have been offended by what I was saying. And fact is, forget all the “alpha” bullshit which infests the Internet, since all that “alpha” talking is just a sign of the times, and keep this in mind instead: politeness must never go missing. Being strong, damn strong, but with a relaxed smile on your face and respectful of others at all times, this is what to aim for in my book. Being a playful asshole is fine, people respond very well to that once you are Socially Calibrated, and you will see plenty of relevant examples in due time. On the other hand, what is not fine is being a disrespectful low-status loser.

Yes, I know, the affiliate links post… As of now there is a newly-introduced sentence halfway through that post explaining that I’m not taking a shot at anyone, clarifying that if people want to use affiliate links in their own website for whatever reason that’s fine by me, but that nevertheless I don’t like the idea of affiliate links in the slightest. And then the post goes on as it was before, with even more of my strong opinions, covering things like Anti-Social Personality Disorder and a bunch of other things completely irrelevant to daygame.

Before making that change, the post may have come on “a bit” strong on someone, and that someone may have been offended by my line of thinking. And considering that that very post has been read once and only once so far, can you imagine if that one and only reader, God bless him, can you imagine if he has his own website and uses affiliate links in there?!

Emoji LOL.png

By the way, compare that single view to the thousands of views of the Tinder post. And since we are between friends in here, tell me something please: how many daygame blogs do you know where one single Tinder post has been read much more than all other posts put together?

But you haven’t written a single line on daygame yet?

Damn it! The readers are way too detailed-oriented…

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In the grand scheme of things, there are only two types of people who may not take it well when they read one of my strong opinions:

● Guys who see their own beliefs being challenged, and since they were not so confident of those beliefs to start with, they over-react.

● Guys who have their shit together, are confident and all that, but they disagree with what I say and think that their voice is not being heard.

To this second group of guys, what I say is the following: when I’m talking to someone and I don’t agree with what they are saying, I don’t like going away without expressing my own view on the matter, because if someone says something and you don’t say anything back, you implicitly agree with what they just said (vaguely related note: I don’t think there are many daygamers browsing their nose up the corporate ladder, since a skill you need to have in order for you to step up that ladder is the ability to take shit and let your superiors walk over you while maintaining an obedient smile on your face). So, to this second group of guys what I say is: feel free to comment if you disagree with something I say, all comments will be approved as long the language is civil and there is some argumentation behind the statements. In that way your voice will be heard, and we’ll talk about the disagreement calmly, like the grown-ups do. [note: comments disabled, send me an email instead]

Let’s move to the first group of guys, since that is where the real problem lays. Let’s look again at the example in the initial image, and since we’ve been talking about completely different things so far, I’ll insert the image in here again:

13

That reaction is somewhat exaggerated, hopefully, it’s just for a laugh. But what happened with the above kid, ehm with the above hypothetic guy who read something on my blog and took it badly? He had his own beliefs to start with, and deep down he knew that those “beliefs” were really just mind hacks put in place by his sub-conscious to mask his own insecurities.

Problem is that eventually a “stupid idiot from the internet” (that would be me…) came along and proceeded to dismantle his sand castle, and now he’s pissed off (I meant “upset”, excuse my French) since once again his insecurities have resurfaced from wherever he had hid them, once again he doesn’t feel enough, once again he doesn’t like himself for who he really is, etc. (think about it: when your neighbour angrily honks at the car driver who has just “disrespected him”, he’s basically reacting to something that was challenging his own self-instilled perception of being “high status”).

Now let’s look at this other example below:

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A bit more realistic than the first Nice Guy example, but still. Here we have someone who was living a dream (becoming a Top-Shelf Guy; by tomorrow, of course), only to have you arrive, take him by the hand, and bring him back to reality. That made for some rude awakening, just look at his reaction! Yeah… I don’t see a lot of self-confidence there either.

The dynamic is exactly the same as in the Nice Guy example above, and this specific example explains why you don’t go after dreams, rather you go after objectives: as long are you are targeting an objective you are still in contact with reality, while with the dreams you fly high as long as everything happens in your mind, but then the higher the height of that illusion, the harder the landing once you come back to reality. Ouch.

After I added the previously-mentioned clarification within the post on affiliate links, then I started looking for images for the “gym dress code” post, in order to show what not to do. While I was selecting the images covering the most common gym outfit mistakes, words like “cringeworthy” and “as bad as it gets” kept coming to mind for some of those pictures. And considering that, based on my own experience in terms of what I see at the gym, most likely quite a lot of you guys may actually go to the gym dressed like that, I thought it was a good idea to write this post once and for all, like a universal disclaimer I will keep referring to as I write posts where I use some of my strong opinions and some of my not-so-diplomatic expressions: I’m not taking a shot at you, I’m just expressing my view on the matter.

And do you think that your view is better than mine?

Funny how one of the guys I was referring to at the very beginning of this post – the low-confidence people you need to handle with extra care otherwise they crumble under pressure – funny how that guy asked me the exact same question just recently (among other things he’s also the guy from note [2] who was rationalizing to me the excuses he had made for himself not to go run the half marathon he’d been training six months for).

Fact is, you need to be convinced of your own beliefs. Look at me: when I need to buy something, I consider what I need that product for, then I consider the requirements I need that product to have, then I look at the options available on the market, then I consider if there is one model which is clearly “better” than the rest in terms of my needs vs. its specs. If there is not a clear winner, I decide which requirements to prioritise, then I do some more research in terms of reading reviews etc, and then, after I’ve taken a decision for a specific model, I let it linger there for a day or two, while thinking of reasons not to go ahead with the specific model I’ve selected. If nothing emerges during that period, I finally pull the trigger.

Rock-solid purchasing process, and it’s only normal that by the end of it I will have a strong belief that I’ve made the right choice. Conversely, that also means that should a naive soft boy come along and try to stubbornly have me convinced, even just at subliminal level, that the right choice was instead the latest “in” product pushed by marketing brainwashing and desired by the weak minds who get their sense of self from the mainstream appeal of the products they are sold buy, should that boy come along and try to have me convinced of that, it will only normal for me to mistreat him somewhat and try to have him wake up from the mentally vegetative state he lives his life in. But instead of thanking me for that, the boy proceeds to get offended and run away. And why is that? Ego, as we have discussed previously.

And by the way, the above logic-driven purchasing process is how you stay away from buyer’s remorse and all those other afterthoughts people constantly have. And which people? People who are driven by emotions, people who first take a decision on a whim and then rationalise it backwards. And there is a word for this flawed decision-making process: intuitive thinking, aka being driven by emotions rather than logic. But don’t tell my manager please, since she is sure that emotional thinking is the right way to go. Amongst other nonsense, she also affirmed that the best place where to be in terms of IQ is between 105 and 115, she said it proudly to me, and that’s when I thought:

Sure my dear, keep dreaming.

We were saying that you need to be convinced of your own beliefs. And that’s fine. Then, since you are a cool and confident dude, you are ready to listen when someone offers a different point of view: you listen, you evaluate, maybe you want to sleep over it, since you are better-off reflecting on important matters on your own to start with, at least until you have formed a baseline opinion on the matter, rather than during a brilliant brainstorming session during which you are constantly side-tracked while you are forming thoughts in your own head (yes, you guessed it just right, you are side-tracked by the intuitive thinkers who don’t realise they are actually just being a waste of your time).

After you have reflected on the different point of view offered by the other person, next time you see him you either let him know he proved you wrong, if this was the case, or an additional confrontation on the matter is best avoided (“the only one way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it” [3]). But if for some reason the topic resurfaces again and you still think that your point of view makes more sense than the other, you hold your ground. Respectfully, but you hold your ground. You reaffirm your point quickly, you let the other person reply, and then you cut that unpleasant interaction short and proceed with some well-calibrated playful teasing, and with you just being the funny dude you always are. People love you for that very simple reason: you kill the negativity, and you fill the air with your positive energy instead.

In conclusion, yes, you are allowed to think that your point of view is better. And you must do that actually, until proven wrong, because otherwise you will end up being like that spineless colleague of mine, and you know what? I start to sympathise with women, I start detesting mediocrity and low-confidence behaviour myself too. More on that to come.

If when you hold your ground the other person gets offended, well, there is a part within him which looks just like the crying little boy above. And when a guy has a crying little boy within him, then he’s absolutely not suitable for daygame, not just yet, because in terms of barrier to entry daygame is as tough as it gets: it will make you go completely against social conditioning, and you need to grow a thick skin to do that. And by the way, I’m not even talking about exploring the corners of the daygame envelope, I’m talking about “simple” daygame scenarios. Sure, as long as you keep going on with visualization and all that daygame won’t seem such a big deal to you, but then guess what? Eventually you will need to actually put yourself out there, instead of visualizing putting yourself out there: it’s now 10am on Saturday morning, you see a cute girl at the supermarket and you go approach her. Stone sober, your friends are not there, you are surrounded by people that could hear your conversation, the light is as bright as it gets, you are on stage basically. And when you proceed to approach a girl like that, the implicit message during the conversation will need to be that you want to see her again and try to sleep with her. It must be so, otherwise you will end up in with a Nice Guy stamp on your forehead and guess what then? It’s game over.

To do daygame you need to grow a thick skin, otherwise at the first rejection you will start rationalising backwards that “AWALT” and all that other nonsense [4], you will run on some forum whining how she was such a bitch for rejecting you like that, etc. No my friend, it was not her being a bitch, it was either you being uncalibrated for not having screened out a real bitch, or you being uncalibrated for having creeped out a Sweet Girl. No big deal, as long as you take that little failure as feedback and as an opportunity to grow and learn, rather than just running to hide behind an acronym on some forum.

Having said all that, now this disclaimer is in place. If you are a cool guy who has his shit together and you don’t agree with something I said, just drop a comment and we’ll take it from there. If you are a little boy whose sand castle has just been destroyed by a wave, I suggest you hold off before going into daygame, because you are not ready just yet, and the risk of you getting burnt and go run to hide behind an acronym is damn high. And just to spoiler my future post on Vibe a little bit, 80% of your perceived confidence comes from who you really are, and only the remaining 20% from all the “alpha” gestures and all that. We will cover that in due time. But if you fall in that second category of guys, the ones whose sand castle has just been wiped by a wave, you can start working on you right now: instead of leaving all angry and upset, and even proceed to delete your browser history so that all possible connections between you and this “stupid blog” disappear from Planet Earth once and for all, well, before you do that, man up and write in the comment section why you disagree with me, then you can go on and delete all history from your browser and forget about this “stupid blog”. Doing that would be the first step of your journey into building up the 80% of your internal confidence.

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All right :) And this is it for today!

Notes:
[1] “while I was writing the guide on Looks” this sentence is getting old, I know…

[2] Funny how one of the people I was referring to in the first paragraph (the low-confidence people haunted by self-doubt who you need to handle with extra care otherwise they crumble under pressure), funny how one of them just yesterday told me that he couldn’t go run the half marathon he’d been training for, since “he fell sick and really couldn’t do it”. Yeah… too bad he was showing pacifiers all over the place, and that he looked just a tiny bit away as he was saying it… too bad he was talking to someone who knows what exactly all that means lol.

[3] “How to Win Friends and Influence People”, Dale Carnegie, 1936. Highly recommended book.

[4] “AWALT” is still way better than modern feminism, SJWs, male feminists, needy Nice Guys, and our ever more politically correct and feminised society…brrrr. Respect for the Red Pill guys, we are on the same side of this battle, it’s just that you are an army and I am a freelancer.

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