Before jumping back into the approaching grinder, it’s only normal for guys to take some time off and work on themselves first. And I’m fine with that, providing it’s only for a short period of time. Taking some time off to focus on self-improvement has two main advantages: first, it gives you a renewed sense of self-confidence and quite a lot of positive energy, since you are doing something to improve yourself and this is an excellent resolution; then, it actually improves your chances in terms of generating initial attraction, especially if you get the quick wins right, and you can make some quick progress on the longer-term improvement avenues.
We saw already that High Value, as defined by me, is made of three pillars:
● Social Calibration
These are the main three things guys leverage to increase success with women when they don’t have any “special privilege” to start with (e.g. male model facial traits, being the lead DJ of the most famous and most popular club in town, being a successful business owner with a lavish lifestyle, etc). And these are the three guides which I prepared with my knowledge on the matter:
Let’s take a standard situation: someone splits up with his girlfriend, and finds his value to be significantly lower that it was at the beginning of the relationship, since he got lazy and let himself go (this is the main danger of having sex available on demand in an LTR). The first few days (months?) after the break-up were not easy, since he missed his ex-GF, but he has now moved on, and is fully determined live a period of bachelor’s lifestyle (aka player’s lifestyle) to the fullest. The guy is now high-energy, thanks to his new resolution and maybe a bit too much visualization of future successes, and goes back into the approaching grinder. Cold shower indeed: getting girls is more difficult that he remembered, the pick-up lines he got off the Internet are not working as expected, and overall he gets burnt by his false start. He realises that he needs to improve his Fundamentals, since attraction is not created by some magic pick-up lines, at least not in the real world, and decides to start an improvement journey. This is Phase 1 of the journey, as we saw in this post. At this point he very much feels good about his new resolution.
Our guy successfully goes through Phase 2, without getting discouraged by the “vertical cliff” typical of that phase, and is now at the beginning of Phase 3, making real progress on his Fundamentals. And this is where the content of this post becomes extremely relevant.
Let’s assume that guy has come over here, has read the guide on Looks, and he now has the quick wins in place. Excellent. He has also read the post on Vibe, and he now makes a conscious effort to keep all the external conscious movements in check at all times. Very good. Just with these two things, he has given his Fundamentals quite an important boost already. He then starts working on longer term things, like fashion, building muscle, bulking diet, Inner Core Vibe, Social Calibration. Say it has been four to eight weeks, and he now has a brand new routine where he works out regularly, he eats well, he dress much better in a sexy masculine way, the Vibe is getting more and more dominant, he is becoming more outgoing, a bit more cocky, a bit more funny: he’s making real progress.
That guess what? The improvement journey will continue, but it’s now time to go back into the approaching grinder. It’s now time for our guy to put himself out there again, since he’s definitely good enough to start approaching again. Sure, he’s not perfect, but he will never will be. Nor will I, nor will you. Sure, in one year from now he will surely be more attractive if he keeps working hard on his Fundamentals, but the edge that extra work will give him will not be mindblowing: there will never be a point where the situation is so easy that it’s worth waiting to get there. That “magic point” is only a self-defence mechanism our ego has put in place to procrastinate us going back into the approaching grinder, and us constantly being at the receiving end of a feedback process. Our guy now needs to start approaching again. Girls are never going to do the approach first, or at least not the sweet feminine girls I (we?) like (FYI, last time I politely rejected a girl who approached me in a bar, she got me banned from it with a false accusation – are you sure you want to wait for girls like that to approach you?). Our guy needs to start approaching again. You need to start approaching again. No point in doing “some more extra work” on your Fundamentals before putting yourself out there. You will be doing “some more extra work” on you all your life, but this cannot be a blocking point, especially considering that the point at which things become “easy” doesn’t exist.
Using the templates that we saw already in the Effort vs. Result post, this is what my Fundamentals looked like back then in 2017, when I went back in the SMP and started approaching.
As you can see, some things like grooming were in check already, since all I had to do was stopping clean shaving, getting a stubble trimmer, and growing a little stubble. I was still having my hair cut too short though, selling me extremely short there. Things like dominant Vibe and general Social Calibration were quite good already, while on the contrary my seduction skills were rusty to say the least, and I needed to re-calibrate myself there. Dressing in a sexy masculine way was a project just launched, and I was making do with the clothes I had at the time, having at least gotten rid of the “cock blockers” in my wardrobe. Things like building muscle and creating a bulking diet plan were just getting started as well. And guess what? I deemed myself as “good enough,” and I started approaching. The first impact was quite a cold shower indeed. But I needed to sharpen my approaching skills like any other skill, with experience. And you need to do the same. And both you and I, we only get that experience by practicing in the field, not by amassing relevant knowledge on the matter online. Just like we do with building muscle, where we get some theory online and then we regularly go at the gym to train them, same principle applies with the girls. Sure, seduction is more complex and more painful than other things like building muscle, since you are subject to other people’s approval, and you are always “assessed” during the different stages of seduction. But that’s the only way, if getting better with women is one of your objectives.
Up to you to decide when you are good enough to go back into the grinder. If you ask me, I’d say as soon as you are out of Phase 2 and into a new routine, go for it. It will sting at the beginning, but that’s normal. Just remember to not put excessive expectations on your future successes and to stay real. And remember to work damn hard on what you can change, while at the same time accepting what you cannot change. And that nothing worthwhile is easily achieved. Don’t fear failure, but rather use it as feedback on where you can improve. And don’t fear rejection, since it’s unavoidable even when you have your Fundamentals completely in check, it’s an intrinsic aspect to seduction.
This section on Fundamentals is definitely in the region of ever-diminishing returns right now. It contains a lot of actionable info that you can use in your improvement journey, and all posts of the section are listed in the relevant index. There are a few more posts I’m planning to write on Fundamentals, mainly on mindset. But they are just the icing on the cake, they are not indispensable to move forward, and as such they can wait. Hence, I will now start writing about Game.
To the girls reading the blog, what I say is that the future posts on Game will give you the opportunity to see the world through the eyes of a guy who allegedly is popular with the ladies. And this may be useful for you, or maybe not. Who knows :)
To the guys reading the blog, the only things I say is:
– LET’S GET THIS PARTY STARTED!!