The 1-2-3 Method

My signature method

A few weeks back I was talking to an acquittance of mine, and he mentioned that he needed to go to the gym and cancel his membership. He said every month his bank account was being charged, but he had last trained there almost one year before. Not that he had signed a contract with a minimum term, he said he just was too lazy to go there and cancel his membership (never mind going there to actually train… don’t be that guy please).

He also said the gym hadn’t worked out for him to meet girls, and he needed to find “some different places”. That’s when I mentioned I wasn’t actually doing too bad at the gym, and he asked me about my technique. I thought about his question for a second. Then, looking straight in front of me as I started talking while still putting my ideas together, I explained:

Well… first of all I ignore them completely… after enough of that I casually ping them… and if they seem receptive I start to escalate things little by little… that’s how I meet girls at the gym.

I didn’t know it at the time, but I had just formalised the 1-2-3 Method.

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Before diving in, let’s remember that everything written on this blog comes from my first-hand experience, and as such the “theory” in this post follows the extensive real-life practice I’ve had, not the other way around.

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It’s an important clarification to make, considering that on the Internet there are quite a lot of “theorists” who base their own conclusions pretty much only on some “impressions”/“ideas” of theirs.

Do you remember when I said that last summer I approached six girls from my Routine Circle? Two of them were members of the gym, one was part of the gym staff, one was sales assistant at the groceries store next to my apartment, one was sales assistant at the express supermarket next to my apartment, and one was sales assistant at one clothes shop in the city centre.

The structure below is what I used with all of them, and since at the time I had not launched the blog yet, I didn’t even know I would have assigned a name to it.

Emoji LOL

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The 1-2-3 Method, whose natural application is Routine Circle Game, is literarily made of three phases:

1. Ignore her
2. Ping her
3. Escalate things with her

In this post we will focus only on the theory, considering the case where the girl you are interested is another member of the gym. Detailed real-life examples will follow in future posts.

1. Ignore her

Very simple here, you just need to apply the Law of Equilibrium of Interests and its corollary.

Law of Equilibrium of Interests
When you and a girl happen to be in the same environment over a period of time, the interest you have shown from the distance when the two of you were not directly interacting must be less than the interest she has shown.

Corollary (specific to girls training at the gym)
The girl you are interested in must be completely and ruthlessly ignored for the entire first workout you and her are there at the same time.

You need to nonchalantly behave as if she wasn’t there.

As a minimum, you won’t steal glances at her, you won’t try to make eye contact with her, you won’t try to break the ice with her, you won’t position yourself next to her unless you really have to (and if you really have to, it’s even more important that you keep ignoring her completely).

When you are more experienced, you will pre-emptively make sure that the two of you will never make eye contact by coincidence (note: I’m not even sure of the exact reason why this is so important, because as you know I’m not a theorist nor an evolutionary-study kind of guy, but every single time it felt right just like that). And if, by pure coincidence, you happen to make eye contact with her during this initial phase (happened to me once), you will look away with a neutral and indifferent facial expression.

Literarily, you need to behave as if she didn’t exist. And you need to do so effortlessly, since girls can pick up any fakeness and try-hardness in a split second.

I must confess, during this phase at times I feel outside the boundaries of what is socially acceptable (let alone what is conventionally done by most guys), especially when it becomes plain obvious that I’m proactively ignoring someone. But that’s fine, since I also instinctively feel that this is the most appropriate thing to do at this stage of the seduction process, and my impression is that girls feels the same.

The absolute minimum for this phase to last is one entire workout. Then, your Social Calibration will tell you whether it’s appropriate to keep ignoring the girl for a few more workouts, or not. There is a balance, since in Routine Circle Game you absolutely must not come off as too eager, but at the same time you must not be perceived as too aloof or too uninterested either.

And while you are ignoring the girl (and pretty much everyone else there as well), you need to have the entire visual field fully covered through your peripheral vision. In this way, you are going to see everything going on around you, while giving people the impression you are focused on something else instead. This is essential, and the girl won’t expect a guy to be doing so.

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Since she will assume you are focused on something else, and eventually she will steal a glance at you, and/or she will have her body language slightly perturbated by your presence. [1]

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Gotcha!

Needless to say, she must find you attractive for all this to work, but we have already tackled this point in the post where the Law of Equilibrium of Interests was first introduced.

If you have done things properly, by the end of this phase the situation will look something like this:

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If you are experienced and want to progress things quickly with a girl, this first phase (ignore her) will last between one and say three workouts, since you need to make sure that the initial ping is completely calibrated. This may represent up to two calendar weeks, considering that most likely you and the girl won’t see each other at the gym every time.

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2. Ping her

After ignoring her long enough, one day “by pure coincidence” you casually ping her. The ping is a brief situational question or a brief situational remark, not a direct approach. As such, the subject of the ping must be something related to the gym, to the situation, etc, but absolutely not to her.

The conversation which follows must be very brief and only related to the original ping itself.

Not that I’ve ever taken time, but I think that in each instance the entire “ping plus conversation” lasted between 10 and 30 seconds. Just the time to exchange a couple of sentences each, strictly on the situational subject of the ping itself, obviously without any approval-seeking smile on your side, and poof… you are gone.

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Keep this conversation absolutely short and impersonal, since this is not the moment to build rapport. Rather, this is the moment to break the ice and signal that you are not an uncalibrated social burden like most of the guys she’s used to.

Here is how things will unfold:

● “By pure coincidence”, there will be a compelling reason for you to ask her a situational question, or to make a situational remark;

● If appropriate, you will engage in a very brief and very light conversation, max three sentences each, related to the subject of the original ping itself;

● If she seems welcoming or at the very least cordial, you will create a high note and GTFO;

● If she seems defensive, you will end that conversation cordially and GTFO, all the way with a neutral and indifferent facial expression.

Since you will only ping girls who were showing subtle yet active interest from the distance, most of the time they will be very much receptive to your situational ping (i.e. relaxed and with a varying degree of warmth towards you).

Some girls will react dead serious and that’s fine, since they are most likely shy and slightly intimidated by you [2]. You will ping them a second time a few days later, and by then they will no doubt be more at ease in talking with you. Fact is, the concept of breaking the ice works in both directions, and some girls are just shy when they are on their own.

The important thing is not to get a defensive attitude or an annoyed look after the ping, since that would be a clear signal to abort any future escalation. She simply wasted the opportunity you gave her by reacting like that, no big deal.

Let’s go back to the case when after your ping the girl reacted positively (i.e. either cordial, warm or dead serious, but not defensive nor annoyed). Even if your real intentions were fairly well hidden, you still were the one who made the move and broke the ice. Hence, the situation will look something like this at the end of this second phase:

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It’s ok, since as a guy you are in charge of moving things forward, and it means putting some weight on your side of that balance, like it or not.

Assuming the girl reacted positively to your initial ping, based on my experience during the rest of that workout she will either:

● be slightly uncomfortable when close to you, fearing you will be an uncalibrated social burden;

● start playing the Diva role, hoping for you to start chasing her (this is a clear red flag, but it’s a less common scenario if you did the screening well in phase 1).

As such, the only thing that every single time felt natural for me to do during the rest of that workout was… starting to ignore her again.

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On your side, you know that you have put some effort, and you intuitively feel like you need to compensate that.

On her side, she knows that you have put more effort than her because it was you who broke the ice, and she intuitively fear that you will now start behaving like most guys (i.e. trying to force rapport, re-engaging her with something uncalibrated, trying to make eye contact again, etc).

And this is why you go back to ignoring her for the rest of that workout :)

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At the end of the workout, if she happens to be on your way out and the two of you happen to make eye contact naturally, then you say “bye” with a not-too-eager facial expression and go. In all other cases you just go, since making even the slightest extra effort to greet her would be perceived as chasing her already.

The first time she saw you, she already had the impression you weren’t uncalibrated and needy like most guys, since you didn’t start chasing her from the distance. Good. By now, she knows for sure that you are someone who gets it. Excellent.

This second phase (ping her) is literarily completed in one shot. Under the temporal assumption from phase 1, the ping will happen between the second and the fourth time you and her happen to be there at the same time. Let’s be conservative and let’s say three calendar weeks have passed since the very first time you saw her at the gym. This can be a normal scenario, since Routine Circle Game is intrinsically slow.

3. Escalate things with her

This is the most delicate phase, and the longest as well.

Let’s assume you have been impeccable during the first two phases. A few days later you arrive at the gym and she’s there training. There are two extremes you need to be careful of.

One extreme is you forgetting about the Law of Equilibrium of Interests, and starting to show way too much interest. This can include making an extra effort to greet her when you arrive, trying repeatedly to make eye contact while she’s ignoring you as part of the Interpersonal Social Game, trying to force rapport starting a conversation and planting you there, etc. This extreme is much worse compared to the other one, and it makes you appear as needy and uncalibrated in her eyes. That’s when she realises she was wrong about you.

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Game over

On the other extreme, you start ignoring her completely and ruthlessly once again, as if she didn’t exist. But if this behaviour was ok in phase 1, since there had been no prior contact between the two of you, now you “know” each other after your ping, the ice between you has been broken, and as such you need to remain within the boundaries of what is socially acceptable.

If before it was ok for you to ignore her completely, even when she was right next to you, now it’s no longer ok. Her existence was confirmed through your ping, and if you start pretending again she doesn’t exist, she will feel bad about it and auto-reject.

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Auto-rejection

This other extreme is better than the initial one, but it’s still unhelpful towards your final goal of getting together with her.

The escalation phase is like a dance, and it shows how socially calibrated you really are.

Next time you see her you, will casually greet her when you arrive, if you can do so nonchalantly and without putting in any extra effort. Then you will ignore her a little bit, since you don’t want to come off as too eager. Then you will casually ping her on something situational. Then you will start ignoring her again from the distance. Then you will tease her a little bit, before starting to ignore her from the distance once again. Then you will nonchalantly ask a question about her, and have a very brief conversation around that topic. Then you will start ignoring her from the distance a bit more. Etc.

This phase can take some time, since in Routine Circle Game you need to appear to be doing things casually: you are not a “player” proactively hitting on all the girls at the gym (or on all girls working at the grocery shop, at the library, etc), rather you are just a cool guy being sociable when he feels like it.

On this third phase, there are two things going on in parallel:

● You build a climax of comfort and positive vibes, which will eventually lead to you asking her out indirectly;

● You keep signalling her that you are the prize, and that your attention is not a given.

You will build comfort and positive vibes by mixing playful teases and cocky attitude (escalate) with slightly more serious situational remarks or questions (ping), just not to overdo things.

You will keep signalling that you are the prize by alternating the above with periods of complete removal of your attention (ignore).

It’s really a fluid dance between the three elements.

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If you do things right, over time the balance will look something like the ideal Equilibrium of Interests. You care enough about her to tease her and give her some of your attention, but you are not desperate nor inexperienced like the last Nice Guy who fell in love with her after the first date.

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Let’s assume that, as you keep going through the above escalation dance, she seems to be more and more receptive to you. That’s good, but it doesn’t mean she wants to get with you: most girls are desperate for the attention of a high-value guy, but for his attention only, not for him as a person.

As such, you will eventually need to make her show her cards.

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The way I checked her real intentions varied based on whether she used to train alone or with her girlfriend.

Girl on her own

When you feel that you have built enough comfort and enough positive vibes, you just ask her out in a low-pressure way.

This is the sentence I always use:

I would like to invite you for a walk.

Simple as that. I always invite the girl for a casual walk in the city centre. This doesn’t mean we always go for a walk on our first date, maybe we go for a drink instead. But what that sentence does is checking for her willingness to meet with you somewhere else rather than the gym.

If she agrees to that, you take her number and enter the next seduction phase (the “texting plus date” phase; the 1-2-3 Method only covers the “approach” phase).

If she doesn’t agree to that, it means she was interested in your attention only. For the time being, you say “no big deal” and proceed with your workout, as if nothing happened (because, as a matter of fact, nothing indeed happened). What to do next and how much to withdraw your attention and punish her depends on the situation itself. I will cover that aspect after publishing the real-life examples, where we will see what I did each time I found out she was interested in my attention only.

Girl with her girlfriend

Here things are a little more complex, since there is an additional variable in the equation: the social pressure on the girl coming from her girlfriend.

In this sort of cases, it felt appropriate changing gear before indirectly asking the girl out. And the way I was changing gear was through “escalating teases”.

Before dropping an escalating tease, it’s important that the girl you are interested in has been warm towards you during the escalation dance. Let’s look at an example of escalating tease.

> You have already had a brief interaction with the two girls during the workout.
> You are now using a machine far away from them.
> They come fairly close to you to use one of the machines there.
> Looking at the girl you are interested in, that’s when you say with a playful silly expression:

Did you girls come over here to hit on me?! :)

Here’s another example:

> You have already had a brief interaction with the two girls during the workout.
> They are now using a machine far away from you.
> You go fairly close to them to use one of the machines there.
> Looking at the girl you are interested in, that’s when you say with a playful silly expression:

Girls, I need to use this machine here next to you. But please don’t start hitting on me!! :)

You need to be extremely playful when you say something like that, and the reaction from the girl you are interested in must be absolutely positive.

If she has a burst of joy or starts giggling, you have the green light to move to the following phase but not immediately.

If she reacts uncomfortable or defensive, that’s not good at all, because she may not be sexually available.

After the escalating tease, you go back to the escalation dance (i.e. ignore, ping, escalate). Your Social Calibration will tell you when the time is right to finally ask her out indirectly.

That’s when you say, looking at the girl you are interested in:

I will go for a walk in the city centre this weekend, if you girls are around you can join me.

Or:

I won’t be able to come to the gym next week, but if you girls have some free time we can continue this conversation in the city centre.

Etc.

All going well, you will exchange numbers with the girl you are interested in, and you will then text her following your standard texting routine. She will come out without her girlfriend, that’s guaranteed, because that’s how things work in real life.

Q&A

Q: This method seems to take a long time. What if she stops going to the gym altogether before I reach the right moment to ask her out?

All right. This actually happened to me several times. Let’s consider this:

Each girl is unique in her own ways, and she needs to perceive you think that. And I really think that: in my eyes, each girl is unique in terms of her personality, her interests, the way she interacts with me, her physical traits, etc. But in terms of being a sweet and feminine cute girl, she’s just one of the many. I like the time spent with her in a unique way, which is different from the way I like the time spent with another girl. But I’m not going to put any extra effort for any of them, since that would be the first step of putting her on a pedestal. Girls who spend time with me see the real me, they have my full attention when we are together, whether on a date or during a brief conversation at the gym. But none of them will ever have my full unconditional attention.

As such, if she stops going to the gym and I never see her again before I had the chance to ask her out in a calibrated way, it’s no big deal. If she really cared about me, she would have let me know in advance that she was about to stop going there.

Q: What if she rejects me and then we keep seeing each other there?

You need to be ready to see the girl again after rejected escalation, and you need to be ready to act nonchalantly about it. But look at things from this perspective: this method makes you appear as a cool guy who is being sociable at the gym, not like a “player” spam-approaching each and every girl there. If there is a good vibe between you and the girl during your conversations there, it’s only normal for you to propose a walk together in the city centre.

If you have more questions just let me know.

Conclusions

We have just seen the structure I follow to escalate things with the girls I repeatedly see in my Routine Circle. Sometimes I’m successful in those escalations, other times I’m not (taken girls are interested in my attention only).

The 1-2-3 Method is not “a magic method which works on every girl”, since such a thing doesn’t exist in the real world. Rather, the 1-2-3 Method is a top-level structure to follow to escalate things in a calibrated way with girls who are attracted to you in your Routine Circle. It lets you remain socially calibrated all the way through, even after a rejected escalation, since everything “just happened” very naturally.

In order to increase your odds, and by now you should know what I’m about to say… improve your Fundamentals.

Notes:
[1] An alternative approach is not to focus on one girl only (always a good thing) and just put the bait and see which girls start to show interest from the distance.

[2] Let’s remember that most real-life girls have nothing to do with the typical traits of the Evil Bitch. Then, if you want to believe the bitter guys online, according to whom each and every woman is an evil creature, that’s perfectly fine by me, but this blog is not for you.

The Essentials:
• Fundamentals
Game