*** *** ***
For quite a long time now, I’ve been training at the gym on the early afternoon of Monday, Tuesday, Thursday and Friday . A new girl appeared at the gym sometime around March, and started to train regularly on Tuesday and Thursday every week.
In recent years, my default condition at the gym has been to ignore everyone around me.
The girls, I ignore them because I instinctively want to make two things clear from the very beginning. First, that I’m different from the typical guy who keeps stealing glances during the workout, and who shows way too much interest from the very beginning, relegating himself to a chase position pretty much immediately (see: Law of Equilibrium of Interests). Then, to create the condition where the girl feels rewarded if one day I decide to casually ping her after having consistently ignored her first (1-2-3 Method in action).
The guys, I ignore them because the overwhelming majority of them keeps stealing glances at me, and keeps throwing blatant Approach Invitations in my direction, which of course I don’t act upon. I sympathize with attractive girls very much on this point, since constant sexual attention from people that you are absolutely not attracted to is just disgusting. In my case, interested guys “just” express their sexual interest and then wait for me to make a move (there seems to be a very clear set of unwritten rules in the gay community). In the case of an attractive girl instead, after having clearly expressed their interest from the distance and after having been ignored by her, most guys also decide to try their luck and open her in an uncalibrated way, making the situation even more uncomfortable for her.
Guys, whether you are straight or gay, in a context like the gym please follow the 1-2-3 Method to a T. First, ignore the person you are interested in completely, and wait for that person to show some interest towards you from the distance. If you want to be a bit more proactive and skip phase 1 (you shouldn’t really), feel free to casually ping that person with something purely situational and immediately GTFO after the ping. The body language of that person, both during the ping and when you are no longer interacting, will tell you how much that person is interested in you. If the interest is not there, please do that person a favour and start ignoring her/him. Also, during both that initial ping or a normal gym interaction, please get that complacent smile off your face. Then, for the love of God, don’t project your sexual “I want to fuck you” vibe on someone you are not sure they like back you or not. And finally, for fuck’s sake, please stop moaning like a fucking little bitch when the person you are interested in happens to be next to you or just passes by.
Whoa… I’ve hijacked the original post a little bit, but I’ve just changed gym and I’ve spent the last two weeks going through the usual “education phase” from scratch (i.e. fending off male attention and making it clear that I’m not interested). I will elaborate more on handling male attention in the future, but for now let me just say that I have absolutely nothing against gay men. In fact, I’m in very good terms with a few gay men who expressed their interest in a calibrated non-sexual way, and quickly got the hint that I was not interested. On the contrary, that “persisting”  stream of sexual attention and Approach Invitations, that needs to stop now. Guys, whether you are straight or gay, the Bitch Face you see at the gym is not a Shit Test, and the evil look you see in someone’s eyes is a clear sign that they have had more than enough.
Now let me calm down and let’s go back on track :)
*** *** ***
As I was saying… A new girl appeared at the gym sometime around March, and started to train regularly on Tuesday and Thursday every week.
She was not average-looking, but not a stunner either: she was “Somewhat Interesting” based on the Female Attractiveness Scale which I’m yet to release. Her face was very sweet and clean, and her demeanour shy and conservative. A bit more toned than the girls I am usually physically attracted to, but you also need to consider that I like particularly slim girls. She was somewhere between 23 and 25 years old, and I know that because she got the under-26 discount at the cinema, but I never felt the need to clarify her exact age.
She was always wearing over-ear headphones, and most of the time she was on her phone texting between sets. During the initial period when I was ignoring her completely, at the times I happened to be training right next to her. In those occasions, I never perceived any hint of the Dealbreaker Triangle (entitlement, bitchiness, snobbishness) in her (good), but I never perceived any tension caused by my presence either (bad). And she never stole any glance at me from the distance!! She was always dead serious and indifferent, projecting a sweet and shy vibe.
One day I needed to use the Incline Leg Press, and she happened to be using it already.
Hi, do you have many sets left?
Hi, I’ve got two left. If you want we can alternate.
No that’s fine, I’ll come back later. Thanks :)
And that, as you may have guessed, was a situational ping.
I went away, and eventually came back when she was finished with the machine.
Then something interested happened. That the ice between me and her had now been broken, and she started to display some very subtle Indicators of Attraction (IOAs) from the distance. Very subtle indeed, since she was really shy, but I know what to look for and my radar is top-notch, hence I was taking notice of them.
Other than that, she kept behaving the same as usual during the workout: headphones over her ears, sending texts between sets.
One day she was doing Hip Thrusts in the area where all the benches are, and I was passing by to do some Lunges nearby. She was attempting to wrap a thin stretching mat around the bar, in order to soften the contact between her body and the bar, but that arrangement was subpar to say the least. I had my barbell Squat pad with me, and I waved at her to get her attention. She turned around and removed her headphones. I raised the Squat pad mid-air and I jokingly said:
If you want I can lend it to you. That would be only 50 euro :)
She burst out laughing, and in the end I did lend it to her… for free!! We had a very brief conversation, and by the end of it the ice was not only broken, it was melted. That’s when she started to show some proper IOAs, sometimes when she happened to be next to me, other times when we happened to make eye contact at the beginning of the workout or just before leaving. She was a real Sweet Girl, and her IOAs were always of the sweet and submissive kind.
We had the odd brief and light conversation every now and then, and at times we also asked each other some personal questions, quickly and lightly.
I started to tease her a little bit, but she was always so serious… She was surely sweet, but she seemed to be missing the girlish playful element (which I adore).
Our brief interactions lasted for a while. Then, one day towards the end of May, I went talk to her at the end of the workout:
I would like to invite you for a walk.
Simple as that, no need to overcomplicate things. Since I don’t have my phone with me at the gym, I proposed her to write down her number on a piece of paper. She volunteered to use her phone instead, so I dictated her my number and she immediately sent me a text with a single word on it: her name.
As you can see, in this case it took roughly two months to go through the entire 1-2-3 Method. This kind of lead time is fairly normal in Routine Circle Game, and the advantage of doing such a slow and calibrated escalation is that everything between you and the girl unfolds very naturally. By following this approach there is no risk of being labelled as a creepy PUA in the environment where you and the girl(s) regularly go.
After getting her number, I followed my standard texting routine (i.e. texting for logistics only), and we agreed to meet up for an afternoon walk in the city centre.
When you meet the girl at the agreed location before going together somewhere else, her initial walking speed will tell you how shy and anxious she is.
Upon meeting at the agreed location, this girl didn’t start walking fast. No, she basically started running. What I do in these situations is walking at her speed for a little while, since by walking fast she defuses the tension she’s feeling, and then proposing to slow down:
Hey, you walk a bit too fast for me :)
Hey, I’m not very good at cardio… let’s slow down :)
We went into a nice little square, and sat in the outside patio of a bar there. I took my usual juice, and she took a juice as well (bonus points for her). The conversation was a bit mechanical at times, since she was overly serious and not as playful as I like girls to be. I remember at some point I asked the usual question about her dreams, and that’s when she looked at me suspiciously and said:
Uhm… is this a trap?!
In my head I went like:
She studied psychology at Uni, hence I asked her if she had a favourite Personality Disorder (I’m pretty prepared on Cluster B’s as you can imagine…). That’s when she replied she didn’t follow the DMS but, “some different sources”.
Uhm, strange girl indeed…
I thought it was better to stop talking and so we went for quite a long walk, during which I showed her my two favourite neighbourhoods in town. The walk was very pleasant and we both appreciated the time spent together. Eventually I left her at the bus stop next to my apartment, where I hugged her before saying goodbye. I went back home and sent her my usual after-date text, saying what a nice time I had with her, and she replied all happy and sweet.
Our second date was for an after-dinner drink in a different bar, and after finishing the drink (another juice…) I invited her to my place:
Let’s go, I will show you my apartment.
The reply to that statement is always the same:
I showed her my apartment, we had two additional juices (living la vida loca…), and then we transitioned to the sofa. Following my standard date model, that’s when I went for the kiss. She was very shy, and looking at me with almost incredulous eyes, she said:
What are you doing?!
I’m giving you a kiss :)
She was not ready for that, but she stayed at my place nevertheless, and we watched a movie together.
Guys, this is an important point. A quick escalation is always the way to go, since it works as a very effective screening tool to filter out time wasters and girls with a hidden agenda. It’s not important that she’s ready for physical intimacy when you first go for it (that would surely be preferable though). What is important is that she rejects your escalation without displaying any sign of the Dealbreaker Triangle (entitlement, bitchiness, snobbishness), and that she remains at your place afterwards.
That very same night, as we were watching the movie together, I started to caress her. Interestingly enough, after breaking that touch barrier, she was literarily all over me. Still not ready for the kiss though, but all over me. It’s ok, since Sweet Girls need time to get comfortable with physical escalation, and each girl has different thresholds for both the initial baseline and the following speed they are comfortable with. I will cover this point in a dedicated post.
I truly adore Sweet Girls, and as such I’m happy to wait and unlock their comfort levels one by one. Actually, I particularly enjoy unlocking those levels progressively, since when a Sweet Girl gives you access to a new Escalation Level, you can clearly feel how much more comfortable she now feels with you, and how much more trust in you she now has.
That, or you are a Technical PUA and you think it was all a shit test…
That evening I unlocked the level of non-sexual physical touch, and it was appropriate to build some more comfort before going for physical escalation once again. As such, I retreated me seduction efforts slightly.
I didn’t feel like talking for the following date, also considering that some very different mindsets on life and on society started to emerge between us. Hence, the choice for our third date was a no-brainer: cinema!
We arrived at the cinema and the room was not crowded at all. The movie itself wasn’t even that interesting, since she insisted to go to a little independent cinema in the city centre, and their choice for the evening wasn’t great. Mind you, I like supporting privately owned local businesses (aka independent business), and this cinema wasn’t even of the leftist alternative type. But if I were to choose between a not-so-interesting movie in an independent cinema, and an interesting movie in a cinema which is part of a national chain, I would choose the latter without the shadow of a doubt. But then again, for Joker I decided not go to the cinema and buy the Blu-ray once it gets released. In this way I will own the Blu-ray, and I will watch the movie in my home cinema whenever I want and how many times I want. I’m digressing…
Back to the story. At some point during the movie, I started to caress her on her shoulder, and once again she was all over me afterwards. This girl was clearly horny, but she needed some time to be comfortable with me. Consider this: she was caressing me both on my upper body and on my legs, but when I casually attempted to put my hand on her knee (her knee!), she gently took my hand and moved it away…
The fourth date was again in the afternoon, a very little walk followed by yet another juice in yet another bar in yet another square. I like to be playful during dates, since I have much more fun that way, but on that occasion I naturally switched to the unshakeable/unimpressed vibe. That vibe seems to melt girls providing enough comfort has been built beforehand, and during that date she started to look at me very differently. For the first time ever, she was looking at me with puppy eyes.
At the end of the date I walked her once again to the usual bus stop, and I hugged once again before saying goodbye.
As you may have noticed, after the second date I slowed down my escalation efforts quite a lot. She was just one of the many things going on with my life at the time, and I was in no rush whatsoever to reach physical intimacy. Hence, I stepped back and acted cool, letting her warm up at her own speed and waiting for her to resume the escalation .
Nothing is more impressive to a girl than a man with an abundant mindset and a self-assured attitude, and after the date she texted me first. This is the translation of her text into English:
Thanks for the ice cream!
I noticed that you were tired out by speaking the local language ;)
Next time let’s do something where you don’t need to talk…
You see guys, contrary to what girls want you to believe when either they aren’t interested or they aren’t ready yet for whatever it is you are proposing, contrary to that facade, girls are not “poor defenceless creatures who don’t know what they want”. Not in the slightest. And if you have ever seen what a woman is capable of doing when she really wants something, then:
● next time a girl is interested but not yet ready when you go for physical escalation, you will just step back, give her time to get comfortable with you and with the idea of physical intimacy with you, and wait for her to hint you that she is ready;
● next time a girl is not interested and tries to run the “poor defenceless creature” show to fend off your interest, you will just laugh it off and write her off.
*** *** ***
When she came at my place for the fifth date, I seem to remember we started to watch a movie. I went for the kiss pretty quickly, and this time around the light was green. We promptly transitioned to the bedroom, and we spent the afternoon having sex.
We kept seeing each other on average once a week, and in the meantime I kept approaching other girls in my Routine Circle.
It became clear that we had some very different views on life and on society, and such a mindset misalignment can really kill the attraction for me. For instance, I am a responsible capitalist while she was a proud socialist, and we had different views pretty much on everything. She liked discussing serious topics (e.g. politics, society, etc) while I actually hate doing that, considering that I like conversations to remain light and funny, superficial if you wish. Not only that, but she actually liked debating our different points of view, and I utterly dislike debates. To add insult to injury, she was also a real feminist. And I’m talking about the original feminist movement, the one in which women were fighting for equal rights and other similar important things. I respect the original feminist movement very much (contrary to the modern feminist movement based on undeserved female privilege and double standards), but certain things, like that authentic and “proud” feminist mindset, just kill the attraction for me. Like – I respect you, but I’m not attracted to you.
One evening she stayed over for dinner, and I put two little place mats on the table. One was green, and it was intended for me, and the other one was pink, and it was intended for her. Obviously. I went to the lounge, and by the time I came back into the kitchen she was sitting in front of the green place mat. I made a joke of how she wanted me to use the girly pink place mat, and she replied all serious that:
Just because something is pink it doesn’t mean it’s girly. Pink is a unisex colour.
I like girls who are girly and feminine (not feminist…), and after that kind of joke I would expect the girl first to giggle a little bit at how silly it was that she wanted me to use the pink place mat, then to agree that pink is for girls and not for men, and finally to eagerly swap the place mats.
Instead, her serious and feminist reply just killed part of the attraction I had for her. Then, when one day she came around in an “alternative” outfit, wearing red Converse and socks up to mid calves, seeing her in that outfit killed yet another part of the attraction I had for her. And so on and so forth.
I was not particularly attracted to that girl to start with, since she was only “Somewhat Interesting” in the Female Attractiveness Scale. But I could have still spent some pleasant time with her, if her sweetness and her girly behaviour compensated for my lack of raw sexual attraction. She was surely sweet and submissive, and I really appreciated that side of her, but she lacked the girly element completely. And every time her socialist side and feminist side emerged, I liked her a bit less than before. Fact is, having an affinity and sharing common views on life is important to me, and we surely didn’t have that. I was liking her less and less by the day, and I think she felt that.
At some point she said she had found a summer job, and she was going to be away for three weeks. It was excellent news for me, since it meant more time to work on my personal projects, and a break from the weekly routine with her. She said she was going to be in a city 400 km away, and she asked if I was willing to go and visit her there. I replied that we could have meet again when she was back in town…
Our last night together she started to ask me some coupley questions after sex, things like, “how many girls have you been with?” and similar. And not in the teasing way a Sweet Bitch may ask you that kind of question, but rather in the affectionate way a girl who wants to become your GF does. I didn’t reply, and I think she picked up on the fact that I had had enough.
While she was away we exchanged as much as one text (!), and we talked on the phone as much as once (!). In all fairness, she was working like crazy from early morning to late evening six days a week, and considering that I don’t like remote communication, those many working hours were an ideal situation for me.
Back in town after almost one month, she proposed to come directly at my place for our reunion. I was expecting an afternoon of sex, but when she arrived I noticed that something was seriously wrong with her. She looked very sad, as if something really bad had happened. I figured it had nothing to do with me, since whatever her issue was, it seemed too big for having anything to do with me. I thought maybe something bad happened to a relative or a close friend of hers, or maybe something bad happened during her summer job, and so on and so forth. But I was sure her negative feelings had nothing to do with me. I was sure of that…
We were sitting on the sofa and I went for the kiss, but she apologised and said she wasn’t in the mood. All right. We went for a little walk, and at times I tried to cheer her up, since it was painful to see her like that. I walked her to the usual bus stop, she apologised for her sad vibe, and said she didn’t know how long that would have continued for. I reassured her not to worry, and I said there was nothing she had to apologise for. I hugged her again, and wished her well.
A few days later I sent her a text proposing to meet up again. She did not reply to the text, but instead called me in evening and delivered the news:
I would like for us to stop seeing each other…
With a calm and cheery voice, I said I understood and wished her well. Those were literarily my only words. She had a burst of joy, she thanked me, and we hang up.
No point in asking for explanations, since doing so is a very Nice Guy trait which signals neediness, scarcity mindset, and all that. When a woman notifies you she has reached such a decision, she has evaluated the situation very well already. Any attempt to talk her out of that decision will be unsuccessful, and your reputation in her eyes will take a hit as a result of your needy and uncalibrated recovery attempt. As such, you respect her decision and remain in good terms with her, but you never contact her again. Not a single attempt to restore communication is allowed on your side, no matter how casual and effortless it may be. Sometimes such girls come back after a while, other times they don’t. In both cases, no big deal.
*** *** ***
After that call, we happened to see each other at the gym a few more times. And based on her body language and her facial expression every time she saw me, I started to develop a little feeling that *I* was the cause of her sad feelings. Oh shit!!
Gone were the sweet smiles and all the other sweet and submissive IOAs. They had been replaced by sadness and that feeling she would have preferred not to see me there. Oh shit!!
I really don’t like girls to suffer because of me, and I started thinking at what I may have done wrong with her. I never did anything a boyfriend candidate does, but maybe she misinterpreted some of my actions, like my hugs at the end of the dates or my after-date texts. But then again, I always contacted her for logistics only, I never said anything sweet to her, we were never holding hands, etc. Uhm…
At some point she changed the time she was going to the gym, officially “because of the new classes at Uni”. All right. Fact is, I was due to leave that gym at the end of September, and I told her about it. Then I decided to stay another month, and at the very beginning of October she had magically reappeared at the usual training time (early afternoon), before disappearing once again after learning that I would have stayed another month. And she always looked hurt when I was around. If before it was just a feeling, by now I knew for sure that the reason she was so destroyed when we met up again after her summer job was because of me. Oh shit!!
I sent her a text explaining that I could have trained slightly later if she wanted to, but she said she was not bother in the slightest by my presence there.
As a matter of fact, she disappeared once again, and then I finally changed gym.
I hope she feels much better now. She’s a very good person indeed, and even if we weren’t very much compatible, I cared and still care a lot about her.
 Four-day split from Jay (Links)
 Persisting sucks, more on this in the future.
 Escalations are a continuous dance orchestrated by your Social Calibration. Don’t be binary by either going ahead relentlessly for hours when facing a solid wall of LMR, or at the opposite extreme by just taking a spectator seat and do absolutely nothing. It’s always a continuous dance between you and her, always a continuous and calibrated push-pull.
• Routine Circle Game Summer 2019