This is the third of the six approaches I executed in my Routine Circle in summer 2019.
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Sometime last February, I went back to a shoes shop in the city centre where I had previously bought some boots. They had developed an issue with the zip, and I brought them back to have them fixed. I interacted mainly with a young sales assistant working there, and briefly with the middle-aged elegant woman who owned the shop. The girl was of my same nationality, and I left her my number so that she could call me and let me know once the shoes were ready.
When I went back to collect them, I interacted again with both the girl and the owner, and then wished them well. The total time of the two interactions between me and the girl was surely less than five minutes.
Fast forward to July. I was looking for some summer shoes, and I went to that shop to have a look at what they had. Both the girl and the owner were there, and both of them remembered me very well. They were all smiley and greeted me warmly, asking me if the boots were ok after the repair. It had happened many times before already, going back to a shop after a few months and having the staff remembering about me and about what I bought, so no big deal.
The girl took care of me as I was trying some summer shoes, and we interacted briefly. My main focus was on the shoes, since money is not to be wasted and I always assess each purchase carefully. But the side conversation with the girl was pleasant as well. She was heavily qualifying to me, and she literarily couldn’t stop talking. We eventually started to ask each other some personal questions, and she seemed very much into me. But I was so focused on the purchase itself that I hadn’t realised that, until something very interesting happened.
The middle-aged woman passed by us, and gently caressed the girl’s shoulder with a “I know how you are feeling inside” reassuring smile, not looking at any of us, but rather in the distance. Something interesting indeed, like a sign from a more experienced woman to a less experienced girl, reassuring her that everything was ok. Uhm…
In the end I went away, without buying the shoes.
During the following days I kept thinking of that gesture. And thinking back both at that gesture and at the behaviour of the girl towards me, it became clear she was attracted to me. Objectively this girl was “Cute” based on the Female Attractiveness Scale which I’m yet to release, but for some reason I didn’t feel a spark when looking at her. Still, she had been quite sweet during our interaction, and I decided to go back and ask her out.
I went back on a Saturday afternoon, and since from outside I couldn’t clearly see whether she was working or not, I just entered inside. The shop was quite busy, and I couldn’t see her there. I pretended to have a look at the shoes on display, and after enough of that I started talking with the middle-aged woman. She was very elegant and sober, and she seemed quite pleased to be talking with me.
All of a sudden the young girl appeared right next us, and in a split second the owner was gone. This is no coincidence, and had happened to me a few times already: when you are with two girls and one of them perceives that the other is clearly attracted to you, and assuming the first one has no direct interest in you, that she leaves the two of you alone immediately.
I then started talking with the young girl:
Hi! How are you? :)
Fine, you? :)
Deep conversation so far…
Listen, I would like to invite you for a drink.
The shop was crowded, but nobody could understand our conversation since we were talking in our mother tongue. But she had a reaction I wasn’t expecting:
She had an uncomfortable expression on her face, and not uncomfortable-embarrassed but rather uncomfortable-annoyed. As you can imagine, such a reaction is clearly unacceptable.
Then she started bullshitting me:
You know… I need to move house, I don’t have much time…
No big deal, we can go when you are finished with that, there is no rush.
Do you have Facebook?
Okaaay… so… I will call you on the number you left us this winter. It’s not appropriate for me to write down your number for you, better to avoid that in front of the owner.
She had a fucking diva expression while she was saying that, and I really don’t like that stuck-up attitude.
Pretending to believe what she just said, I replied unimpressed:
Ok let’s do that.
and then went away.
There is an important lesson here: persisting on the approach sucks. Assuming you were calibrated on your approach and you have built enough comfort, if when you propose to meet up again for a drink/coffee the girl doesn’t immediately accept, then she deserves an instant write-off. Look at her facial expression while she declines your offer, because if it is:
● annoyed/defensive => she’s not interested.
● snobbish => she’s playing games, and this means you are not interested.
Most guys, including me, have an unconscious internal mechanism to persist and try to “win” the verbal exchange. But persisting is pointless indeed, and getting rid of that bad habit is a priority of mine.
Needless to say, she never contacted me again, as expected. Only someone inexperienced could have thought she was going to be in touch after the annoyed reaction she had. But the fact that she didn’t contact me wasn’t a problem on its own. No, the problem was that she reacted bitchy and annoyed when I invited her for a drink, and this is completely unacceptable.
When a girl reacts like that to your proposal, the only two words she deserves are: Foxtrot Oscar.
• Routine Circle Game Summer 2019