How I evaluate my approaches

I’ve never tracked my approaches before last summer, mainly because I never felt the need of performing such a task, and also because I never wanted to have that accounting-like burden. Fact is, tracking approaches transforms something natural (i.e. having fun with women) into something unnatural (i.e. translating experiences and emotions into a set of numbers and ratios).

For people just getting started, tracking approaches may make sense in two ways: first, in terms of committing to a certain objective and having the tracking tool almost as a witness to that commitment; then, in terms of identifying trends and learning the relevant lessons from them. But then again, if someone cannot be bother to approach, just having a spreadsheet won’t be of help, since it won’t remove whatever the fundamental blocker is. And when it comes to identifying trends and learning lessons, deconstructing past experiences through critical thinking and active analysis is what translates reference memories into learnings and observed behaviours into meaning; it’s that conscious mental process which does the trick, not the act of populating a spreadsheet.

More experienced people still tracking approaches, they need to be careful of not falling into two common traps: the first one is the mental imprisonment linked to the compulsive need to keep tracking everything, which reverses the natural order of things (initially the spreadsheet was a supporting tool to the real-life experiences, eventually the real-life experiences become a supporting tool to the spreadsheet…); the second one is to link their sense of worth to the numbers and ratios contained in the spreadsheet, to seek validation from them, and to let those numbers and those ratios influence their real-life decisions and consequently their real-life experiences.

All right, so this is what I think about actively tracking approaches. Fact is, I’m extremely lazy when it comes to Daygame Cold Approaching, and last May I decided to create a little spreadsheet to see if that could help me overcome that laziness of mine. It didn’t help of course, since just having a tracking tool won’t make my displeasure for cold approaching disappear overnight [1], and it’s not a matter of me being lazy but rather a matter of me not enjoying cold approaching. As such, I used the spreadsheet mainly to track my approaches in Routine Circle Game, which instead I truly enjoy.

As I was creating the spreadsheet, these were the questions which I felt needed to be captured in the document:

● Did she stop to talk?
● Was she at least cordial?
● Was she single?
● Did she immediately accept my date offer?
● Did she give me her number?
● Did she reply to my icebreaker text?
● Did she reply to my date-scheduling text?
● Did the date happen?
● Did we end up having sex?

Let’s look at each of these questions individually.

Did she stop to talk?

This is a KPI. If the girl doesn’t fully stop and doesn’t give me her full attention, it means I was uncalibrated either in the selection of the target, or in the approach itself, or in both of them. Getting this wrong is a big thing for me, considering that I place a lot of importance on the initial screening filter and on Social Calibration.

Was she at least cordial?

This is an KPI. Similar to the above point. If she reacts bitchy or snobbishly, it means I did the screening part wrong. If she looks creeped out, it means I was uncalibrated in the approach.

***        ***        ***

A positive answer to these two initial questions is essential to preserve your self-image, and the more you capable of introspection you are, the more important keeping your self-image intact is.

If you are capable of introspection and you are forced to perform an activity which exposes you to a constant stream of negative feedback, the net effect of that activity on your self-image (and on your life in general) will be surely negative, and as such you are better off getting rid of that activity altogether.

Certain people, ranging from some of the PUAs who spend the day cold-approaching to some of the salesmen who spend the day cold-calling, seem to cope very well with having the world constantly telling them how annoying and how unworthy they are. Not quite sure what’s behind that “blessing” of theirs, but it’s good for them.

More “normal” people instead, when they decide to embark on an activity which is fundamentally unpleasant, they need to find strategies to make it less of a pain and more sustainable in the long term. In daygame cold approaching, having the girl acknowledge you as a human being rather than as an unpleasant and uncalibrated source of inconvenience, that’s definitely a good start.

***        ***        ***

Was she single?

One of the most annoying things in this world, at least for me, is a girl showing a clear Indicator of Attraction from the distance, and then turning out to be taken once I approach her. In an ideal world, only single girls would be allowed to show attraction from the distance. But our world is hardly ideal, I’ve gone through this annoyance many times already, and many more are still to come I’m sure.

At times I’ve used this very question as an opener, and in my experience most girls tell the truth when asked this question directly. Then, just because a girl is single it doesn’t mean she’s automatically interested in you, and just because a girl is taken it doesn’t mean she won’t ever let you escalate things with her. Your previous experience and your reference memories will suggest you the most appropriate course of action each time.

A few personal observations of mine:

● If she is all happy and smiley when she tells you she has a boyfriend after your approach, it means she is a “normal” girl pleased by your approach but not interested in doing anything sexual with you. No point in proposing to meet up again “as friends,” since that clueless and uncalibrated move will just ruin the magic of the moment, and most importantly doesn’t work.

● If she gives you an Approach Invitation but then she mentions her boyfriend when you approach her, usually with a snobbish expression on her face, it means that she is a Diva and wants you to chase her and work harder for her. You may end up sleeping with her after enough chasing and after enough mind games, but I don’t really know since I never reached that stage. Every single time a girl tried to pull off that trick on me, I instinctively wrote her off there and then.

● If she hints at her boyfriend but then plays the show called “poor defenceless creature who doesn’t know what she wants,” and most importantly she lets you escalate things progressively, while only giving you token resistance along the way, then she is an experienced and “sexually liberated” girl who enjoys being taken by a strong and dominant man, whether she has a boyfriend or not. Crucially, she will never show any sign of the Dealbreaker Triangle (entitlement, bitchiness, snobbishness), and instead will use her seductive skills and her aphrodisiac voice to make you go crazy for her, and to make you plow ahead through her resistance, before finally conceding herself to you. Guys, I’m not referring to LMR here, but rather to something much more elaborated than that.

● If she says she has a boyfriend but doesn’t go away, and there is no defensiveness nor discomfort in her, and has that serious horny look on her face, then you have a shot.

Anyway, with most girls in most circumstances, the most appropriate thing for you to do when they mention the boyfriend is wishing them well and moving on with your day.

Did she immediately accept my date offer?

After gaining a lot of experience here, and having been on the other side of the fence a few times as well, I have concluded that if she rejects my offer to meet up again the first time I ask, it’s pointless to even ask for her number, since she won’t reply to my icebreaker text.

I don’t do any negotiations, and I want the girl to be fully cooperative from the get-go. If the girl is shy, I can wait for her to get comfortable with physical escalation, no problem with that. But apart from the physical escalation itself, she needs to agree to my calibrated moves immediately when I ask.

Recording this parameter is useful to reinforce the fact that, even if I “persisted” and managed to get her number after she rejected my first proposal to meet up again, most likely she won’t reply to my icebreaker text. Persisting sucks indeed.

Did she give me her number?

I go for her number only after she has agreed to meet up again, since I’m not planning to do any chasing through text.

If she wants me to give her my number instead, or if she wants to exchange social-network details, or if she wants to exchange… email, in all these cases she is either not really interested, or not the kind of sweet and submissive girl I like – and she gets written off as a result.

It’s very simple so far: first, I’d like for the girl to react at least normal when I approach her, without showing any sign of the Dealbreaker Triangle; then, I’d like for the girl to eagerly accept my offer to meet up again the first time I ask; finally, I’d like for the girl to happily give me her phone number when I propose her to do so. In all other cases, I just shrug her off and go away, without doing any negotiation nor any persisting. This may sound a bit harsh, but it’s just an effective self-preservation method based on experience.

Self-Preservation Axiom

Good behaviour shall be rewarded. Bad behaviour shall be punished.

Did she reply to my icebreaker text?

Experience tells me that if she doesn’t reply to my well-crafted and field-tested icebreaker text, it clearly means she’s not interested. Cold replies are equivalent to a lack of reply.

I have a lot of experience on this point, and the trend is crystal clear. As such, no point in “persisting” (aka supplicating) via text. Since I’m fully convinced that I’m doing the girl a favour when I approach her, if she doesn’t reply to my first text she gets herself a nice write-off. Clap clap clap.

Did she reply to my date-scheduling text?

Assuming you have a solid and field-tested texting routine, and assuming she replied in an acceptable way to your icebreaker text, then scheduling the date itself should be a formality.

If this is not the case with a specific girl, then you need to go back and check if there is anything you can learn from your experience with her, so that you can update your screening filter accordingly.

Did the date happen?

Same as above.

Did we end up having sex?

This is a KPI. If you were genuinely attracted to the girl and the two of you seemed to really click, but sex didn’t happen for whatever reason, then you need to reflect where you went wrong. Certain times you did nothing wrong and life just got on the way, other times you made a mistake and you can learn a lesson from it.

And remember: when in doubt, escalate things.

Notes:
[1] Fact is, I just hate cold approaching, mainly because it’s shit in terms of the Law of Equilibrium of Interests. It’s the quickest way of providing some validation and some ego boosting to women for free, while getting a consistent stream of rejections in return. Hardly a good deal in my book, and exactly the opposite of what I’ve been accustomed to while growing up. Still, there are also some interesting advantages to it, namely the high turnover of girls and the low competition, and as such I have elaborated a series of measures to make it less of a pain and more sustainable. Stay tuned.

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