Girls are not as “random” as most guys think.
Yes, you read it right. And to clarify what I’m talking about, let’s take a look at the three conversations below.
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Two gym buddies meet up:
Hey dude, yesterday I went for a walk and all girls were smiling at me, it was fucking awesome. Today I went for another walk in the very same place and at the very same time, and none of them took notice of me. WTF?
Bro that’s normal, girls are random…
After a few days:
Hey dude, this hot chick who was all over me when I approached her, she gave me her number all giggly and smiley, then I texted her after two days and she never replied. WTF?
Bro that’s normal, girls are random…
After a week:
Hey dude, there was this hottie in the weight room. I kept trying to make eye contact with her, and I kept hovering around the machines she was using just to get a conversation started, but she seemed not to have noticed me, and then she left with a bitchy expression on her face. WTF?
Bro that’s normal, girls are random…
And to this last reply I say:
You sure about that, bro?!
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The three above conversations are examples of three different elements:
● Randomness of life
● Non-deterministic behaviour of girls
● Deliberate behaviour of girls
Randomness of life
To take something relevant as an example, if during two “equivalent” days (i.e. two weekdays, two Saturdays, etc.) you go for a walk at the same time, with exactly the same weather, following exactly the same route, dressed exactly the same way, with exactly the same vibe, etc… the reactions you will get from girls in terms of Indicators of Attraction (IOAs) can vary wildly based on who you are going to cross paths with during each walk. Because the girls you cross paths with will be different, you cannot keep that parameter under control, and they will all have different perceptions of you. Not only that, but even if you were to meet the same girl at exactly the same place during the two different walks, she may be in a different mood, she may now be walking with her friends rather than on her own, etc.
Personally speaking, there have been times when during a short walk in the city centre I was catcalled three times, there have been times when in the 100 metres it takes from my apartment to the grocery shop each and every girl I crossed paths with gave me an IOA, etc… and there have been times when I walked amongst the complete general indifference!!
Now, male attractiveness is made of levels, and the reactions you get tend to be fairly consistent around the average for your level, but there are always swings around that average. And the reason this happens is because some girls will like you much more than the average, and some others much less than that. And when you go for a walk, one day you can randomly meet more of the girls who like you more, and another day more of the girls who like you less. All else being equal.
If you live in a big city and commute to work through a high-frequency means of transportation (e.g. the metro), which guarantees you are surrounded by different people each time you enter said means of transportation, some days there will be three girls stealing glances at you, other days you will be surrounded pretty much by men only, other days there will be girls but none of them will seem to take notice of you, etc. All of this is what I refer to as the “randomness of life”.
Non-deterministic behaviour of girls
Imagine you approach two different girls in two different moments, but each time you look exactly the same, you have exactly the same vibe, and you use exactly the same opener. And imagine that the two girls display exactly the same facial expression when you stop them, and they laugh exactly in the same way and at the same point during the conversation, and when you ask a question they reply using exactly the same words, etc.
Moving on, imagine you send them the same icebreaker text, and they reply using exactly the same words, asking you exactly the same question back, confirming the date in exactly the same way, etc.
During the date, you make a joke and they react exactly in the same way, you ask a question and they give you exactly the same answer, etc.
Seriously guys, how creepy would that be?!
Keeping things simple, a “deterministic” system is a system which always produces the same output when injected with the same input. For multivariable deterministic systems, they always product the same set of outputs when injected with the same set of inputs.
The example above gives an idea of what things would look like if girls acted like a deterministic system, and I don’t know about you guys, but I surely don’t want that.
Now, certain behaviours are innate, and surely there is a certain consistency in terms of the reactions you will get from similar girls in similar situations. For instance, if you deliver the same opener to two different Sweet Girls, each time when they are alone rather than with their friends, each time making sure they noticed you before approaching them, each time making sure they weren’t in a rush, each time making sure they weren’t intimidated by you, etc… in these two fairly similar cases, you can expect a fairly similar positive reaction. If you then change one of the variables while keeping everything else the same, most likely there will be a consistency of the reactions around the new set of variables. For instance, if you change the variable “Type of girl” from Sweet Girl to Evil Bitch, the consistency will be around the bitchy, accusatory and dismissive reactions you are likely to get :)
Moving on with the example of the two Sweet Girls. Let’s say both of them gave you their phone number, and you then text them following the same texting routine. All else being equal, two very different things can change the final outcome of your text conversation:
● Her emotions
● The events in her life
Let’s say one of the two Sweet Girls promptly replies to all your texts and then happily goes out with you, while the other one waits two days after your text and then sends you a long apologetic message explaining why she doesn’t feel like going out with you. Both of them seemed to be very much into you when you stopped during the day, you sent them exactly the same texts, so why are they now behaving in opposite ways?!
Maybe the girl that sent you the apologetic text was just recovering from a though break-up, and doesn’t feel like going out with someone else just yet. Or maybe she’s infatuated with another guy, and hopes he will ask her out. Or maybe at the moment she is feeling sad and miserable for whatever reason, and doesn’t want to go out with someone and pretend all is good with her life. Or maybe you remind her of someone who made her suffer in the past, and instinctively assumes she will go through the same thing with you. Etc. All of these emotions have nothing to do with you in particular, and the girl was already going through those emotions before the two of you even interacted.
Everything else being equal, girls will react differently towards you based on the emotions they are feeling in that particular moment, be it during the initial approach, or through text, or on the date, etc. I like to refer to this aspect as the “non-deterministic behaviour of girls”.
Back to the moment when you took the phone number of the two different Sweet Girls. Let’s make a strong assumption and let’s say that they had been feeling exactly the same emotions all their life until the very moment you took their number. Strong assumption indeed, but it’s to remove any variability in terms of their prior emotions and in terms of their prior reference memories. You text them following the same pattern, and once again one of them promptly replies to all your texts and happily goes out with you, while the other one waits two days after your text and then sends you a long apologetic message explaining why she doesn’t feel like going out with you. WTF!!
So, what went wrong this time around?? Maybe the girl that sent you the apologetic text had a car accident, and is devastated about the huge bill she will face for the repair. Or maybe she received some very bad news, and doesn’t feel like being sociable. Or maybe she was accepted for the job abroad she applied to, and doesn’t feel like sleeping with someone knowing that it will be a one-time thing only. Or maybe she met young Brad Pitt who asked her out, and goes out with him instead. Etc.
I like to refer to the external events that have nothing to do with you and happen after you and the girl interacted as the “randomness of life”.
When most guys say that girls are “random”, they refer to situations driven by one of two above elements or by their combination. I don’t particularly like the world “random”, since it’s a basic and oversimplified way to refer to the two concepts described so far, but I’ll admit it does no particular arm when used to refer to those concepts.
All right, let’s move on to the main point I wanted to make in this post.
Deliberate behaviour of girls
Let’s look again at the Nicky Parsons quote from The Bourne Supremacy :
They don’t make mistakes. They don’t do random. There’s always an objective, always a target.
I’ve been playing the Interpersonal Social Game for a couple of years now, always aware of what’s going on around me through my peripheral vision, always conscious of my body language and the body language of people around me, always giving meaning to each little gesture I pick up and always calibrating my next move based on that. Basically, always playing a perpetual chess game with the people around me.
If I look back five or ten years ago, I don’t remember me doing all of this with the same intensity. Surely I was doing part of it, also because I distinctly remember learning the art of reading body language around age of 25, and then keep practicing ever since, but this constant effort of always being aware of everything around me started when I became single again in 2017, and I decided to always and actively look for the Indicators of Attraction displayed by the girls around me.
And here lies the key message: I had to train myself to reach the point of always and effortlessly being aware of everything going on around me, and calibrating my moves based on that, sometimes pre-emptively. On the other hand, women have been playing the Interpersonal Social Game all their lives. They have always and carefully calibrated their moves based on what was going on around them. Once I became a pro at the Interpersonal Social Game, it became clear to me how pretty much all women were always playing it, while most guys lacked even the basics of the Law of Equilibrium of Interests.
Every time a woman is in the same environment where at least a man is present (e.g. at the gym, on the bus, on the sidewalk, at the supermarket, etc.) her behaviour will be always… absolutely… completely… unequivocally… DELIBERATE!!
When around men, there is no randomness whatsoever in her behaviour. Each little gesture has a specific meaning, each little movement signals something, everything she does is in reaction to/in anticipation of something.
By fully internalising this concept, and by becoming an active player of the Interpersonal Social Game, and by always analysing all the little social cues in terms of the Law of Equilibrium of Interests, this is how you bring your screening mechanism to the next level, and as such you skew the odds of approaching in your favour.
 Fantastic trilogy: The Bourne Identity (2002), The Bourne Supremacy (2004), The Bourne Ultimatum (2007).