If you approach a girl and she rejects you, this may be due to a number of things. Maybe she doesn’t find you attractive, or maybe today she is not in the mood to meet someone new for whatever reason. Maybe you creeped her out on the approach, or maybe your vibe was a bit off during the conversation. Etc.
Fact is, all of the previous variables can be controlled to some extent. If your Fundamentals are solid, most likely she will be attracted to you. If your screening mechanism is sharp, you will screen for girls with manners and you will steer clear of the Dealbreaker Triangle. If you are socially calibrated, you will screen for girls who are likely open to having a little conversation with a stranger. If she displayed an IOA, she definitely saw you coming. If you you have enough relevant experience, the conversation following the approach will be smooth and your Vibe will be on point during the interaction. Etc.
So, what the heck could possibly stop you from getting a first date when you approach a girl after making sure all the previous boxes are ticked??
*** *** ***
It’s early in the morning, and I’m waiting the bus to go to work. I’ve been in this new Country for a few months now, and I have already had more than enough of commuting to work by public transport, time to buy a car…
The bus arrives, and as usual I enter from the rear door. It’s crammed again.
I’m standing up, holding myself onto the bus-bar and looking unimpressed in the distance in front of me, when I catch a girl further down the bus turning around, stealing a glance at me, and then giggling. This girl is sat down somewhere between the rear door and the middle door, on a forward-facing seat, and girls don’t just turn around to check who is on the bus, they just don’t. Uhm… I figure she must have seen me standing on the sidewalk when the bus arrived…
Shortly afterwards she turns around once again, she steals another glance, and she keeps giggling like a little girl. She really can’t help herself, she is literarily melting!
The situation fits the definition of “low-hanging fruit” to a T, and I start thinking of the best way to go talk with her, in order to get her immediate agreement for a first date and save her phone number effortlessly. I couldn’t care less of the numerous people all around us, but I will literarily need to elbow my way through the crowd to and talk with her, plus I may be stuck there after getting her number, and this is not ideal. If we get off at the same bus stop, I could go and talk to her outside. If she gets off before I do, I can get off as well, talk with her, and then take the next buts. If… wait! She is standing up now, she must be getting ready to get off at the next stop, which is way before mine. All right… let’s get off and get the next bus afterwards. Wait! Even if the middle door is a bit closer to her, she is actually moving towards the rear door, just where I am. This is very strange, since girls behaving like her don’t just come close to me like that, they stay far away usually, also because if I don’t approach them it would be the equivalent of a rejection for them. Uhm…strange morning so far.
She comes almost next to me, and there are people all around us. I move close to her and start talking:
She proceeds to look down and giggle some more. She looks very young, and next to that bus stop there is some sort of school, better to check her age immediately:
How old are you?
I’m 20 :)
She is very sweet, deeply attracted to me, and very young.
Really no reason to beat around the bush, hence I go straight to the point:
I would like to invite you for a drink.
Thanks, this is very kind of you, but I’m taken…
She is all red as she says these words, and I’m just…
What the fuck?!
Despite what a few clueless people say, in these circumstances there is no point in proposing to meet up again “as friends,” since that would put you in the “socially-uncalibrated” category with the girls whom are worth going after. As such, I just wish her well and she gets off at the next stop.
*** *** ***
Episodes like the above are particularly unpleasant to me. Let’s generalise the conversation now. Let’s assume you have approached a girl and reached the point when she is feeling some attraction towards you. This may happen as soon as she sees you, if she particularly likes the way you look. Or while you are talking with her, if you make her feel some positive emotions by touching the right chord. Or while you show her some of your photos on your phone, if those photos make her feel the right kind of emotions. Etc.
Let’s assume the girl is now showing you Indicators of Attraction (IOAs) and seems to be very much into you. Things like getting her agreement to meet up again for coffee seem just a formality…
You proceed to go through that “formality,” proposing her to meet up again and expecting to get her phone number effortlessly, and she goes like:
Thanks, that’s very kind of you :)
But I’m taken, I can’t…
I’ve been there countless time before, and every time it’s like a cold shower. Actually, the majority of the girls I have approached after catching some IOAs turned out to be taken, and as strange as it sounds, I now unconsciously expect that kind of outcome.
Now… If you have spent a bit too much time on the Internet forums, you may think that every time a girl rejects you she is giving you a “shit test” and “playing hard to get,” and you may also think that each and every girl out there is a drama-seeking broken and treacherous slut. No no no.
Most girls in real life are not broken, they are “normal” if you wish, and as such they don’t behave like a few bitter guys online would like you to believe. There are things those normal girls in normal life have no control over, and things they have full control over.
The Attraction Theorem
Attraction is not a choice. What to do about it, that is the choice.
Normal girls in normal life don’t go around cheating on their boyfriend at the first opportunity, no matter how attracted they may be towards you. This means that, providing your Fundamentals are solid and you have enough experience under your belt, more often than not there will be one single parameter deciding whether or not your approach will be successful: her sexual availability.