Social Pressure: a big thing for girls

Roughly speaking, and not considering cases which are pointless to this conversation in particular and to seduction in general, there are two main categories of approaches: approaches to seduce, and approaches to show courage.

When a guy is just getting started, or when he is exploring the corners of the envelope, the most important thing is to Just Fucking Do It. The guy in question sees a girl, he wants to prove to himself that he has the balls to go talk to her, or he want to prove to himself that he has the balls not to care of the people around who may overhear the conversation, etc, and no matter how low the probability of success for that specific approach are, he just goes for it. Been there, done that.

To some extent, the approaches to show courage are “easier” than the approaches to seduce, because the positive outcome of that approach is you having had the balls to do it, and not whether you managed to get anywhere with that particular girl. You are in charge of your own success here.

Let’s look at a few examples.

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A guy who is just getting started likes a particular girl who works as a sales assistant in a little grocery shop. He wants to ask her out but doesn’t know how.

One day is queuing up to pay for his items, and he notices the girl is at one of the express tills. When his turn finally comes, the free till is just the one where the girls is – what a lucky coincidence.

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The girl’s colleague is serving a young couple at the till nearby, and other people are queuing up just behind the guy. Everybody is within earshot, there is no music playing in the background, and as such everybody can clearly listen to what’s going on around them.

Our guy decides to Just Fucking Do It and, while the girl is scanning his items, he goes like:

“I thought you are pretty cute, and I wanted to invite you for a drink.”

The girl’s colleague coughs, some of the other girls around have a pleased smile on their faces, some of the guys are feeling embarrassed, the girl herself is just:

Ehhhh…

She looks definitely embarrassed, thanks the guy for his offer, but then proceeds to reject him with an excuse.

The guy is feeling shaky as he walks back to his apartment, since his approach was not successful and he was rejected in front of all those people, but he is happy and proud of himself nevertheless: he did it!

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A guy who is just getting started likes a particular girl who trains at the same gym. He wants to ask her out but doesn’t know how.

One day he is working out and feeling in a confident mood, when all of a sudden the girl appears in the weight room. There are quite a few people there, and he has previously seen her talk with some of the other guys and some of the other girls there, so she is definitely known in that environment.

Fuck it! He decides that it is now or never, he crosses the entire weight room to reach the area where the girl is, he introduces himself, says that he finds her cute, and ask her out.

As he talks to the girl, some of her friends and acquittances who happen to be nearby turn around to see what’s going on, looking amused. The girl is just:

Ehhhh…

She looks definitely embarrassed, thanks the guy for his offer, but then proceeds to reject him with an excuse.

The guy is feeling shaky during the rest of the workout, since his approach was not successful and he was rejected in front of all those people, but he is happy and proud of himself nevertheless: he did it!

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The above two examples are classical approaches to show courage, and they are typical of guys just getting started. In those cases, approaching is an end in itself, whether the girl accepts the invitation for drinks or not.

What do the two above approaches have in common? In both cases, there was a hell of a lot of Social Pressure on the girl. She was literarily being judged for her actions by her colleagues, her friends, and the other people around. She was literarily under the spotlight. As such, she was left with no choice but to reject the guy.

Traditionally, men have been valued for their courage and for their decisiveness, while girls have been valued for their grace and their preciousness. A traditional girl is instinctively uneasy with the idea of being picked up by a complete stranger in front of people who know her, since that would make her appear as too easily available. Also, traditional girls are also way shier and more easily embarrassed than traditional men, and this is another reason why high-pressure situations are bad for them. Finally, especially in the context of extended groups of “friends” or at work, girls don’t want to be judged for their actions, since they have a reputation to protect and the concept of Slut Shaming is very much real.

As such, especially in normal daytime situations, it’s always appropriate to escalate things with a girl when nobody she knows is watching, also making sure that the very fact that you are hitting on her goes as much as possible unnoticed by the people around. And remember, you are not doing this for you, you are doing this for her.

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There are cases where the opposite of what I’ve just said is true. Fact is, if on one side traditional “normal” girls don’t like being under the spotlight, there are also broken girl who are dying to be the centre of the attention and to show everybody how in demand they are. These broken girls will be all too pleased of you hitting on them in front of their friends or their colleagues, so that they can reject you snobbishly/condescendingly and show to everyone how sought after and how unreachable they are. Then, there is yet another type of broken girls that deep down will be all too pleased that you approached them in front of their friends. These are the man-hating Evil Bitches, who will take the opportunity to mistreat you and ridicule you in front of everybody, mainly to relief themselves of some of their internal anger and some of their internal misery.

Conclusions

Approaching a girl when nobody she knows is watching and making sure that your approach goes under the radar is always the best solution.

With the sweet “normal” girls, you will skew the odds in your favour by limiting the Social Pressure on them.

With the broken attention-seeking girls, you won’t give them the opportunity to leverage your approach (you) to win some “status points” by rejecting you snobbishly/condescendingly in front of their friends.

With the broken man-hating girls, you won’t give them the opportunity to leverage your approach (you) to transfer some of their internal misery onto you by rejecting you harshly in front of everyone.

The Essentials:
• Fundamentals
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