Three reasons she will sleep with you

As you may have already heard over and over, girls can have sex pretty much whenever they want.

This doesn’t mean that a girl can just snap her fingers and get sex from the guy of her desires anytime she wants, since that guy may be in a happy monogamous relationship already, or maybe he doesn’t like her that much, etc.

Nor does it mean that a girl can just snap her fingers and get sex from a guy she genuinely likes and she is genuinely enthusiastic about anytime she wants, since female-to-male attraction is much more nuanced than the binary “would fuck her/would not fuck her” male-to-female attraction, and there is only a limited number of guys a girl is genuinely attracted to at any given time and in any given environment.

What the initial sentence does mean instead, is that girls can get laid way more easily than guys, if they really wanted to. Meaning that, if girls were ready to make a few compromises and overlook a few things in terms of how the guy scores compared to their criteria, and if they were able to handle their internal emotions properly in order to avoid “buyer’s remorse” afterwards, they would have it much easier in terms of getting sex compared to guys in the equivalent situation. Difficult to argue with this statement to be honest.

So, women can get sex easily if they really wanted to, and basic psychology says that we tend to value less what is easily available to us. Also, women are hardwired differently than men, and for biological reasons tend to view sex very differently compared to men.

All that being said, and considering that for most women sex is not an end in itself but is part of a bigger picture, there are three reasons a girl will sleep with you:

● You provide her with emotional value
● You provide her with material value
● She is horny

You provide her with emotional value

These are the girls I like – sweet and with a sense of self-respect. As such, they tend to have sex only within relationships, or at the very least only when they can assign some emotional value to it. To these girls, having a genuine connection with the man in front of them is essential, and as such the time spent together will be rewarding for the two of you both sexually and emotionally.

Girls in this first group have grown up with the right values, and as such they are naturally drawn to fulfilling and monogamous relationships, rather than to stints of sluttiness and “spontaneity” in order to “find themselves”.

It could also be that during a holiday or a trip abroad they meet a man they are genuinely attracted to, and after spending some time together they get that feeling of infatuation and they end up sleeping with him, knowing that the two of them will never meet ever again. But to them this experience will be like a self-contained emotional adventure, with both a story and a deep if short-lived emotional connection supporting the entire thing. It will be more a matter of having shared some emotions with a man they were genuinely drawn to in a specific environment and at a specific time in their lives, rather than just a matter of having had sex with a stranger somewhere abroad.

The girls who prioritise emotional value are those who instinctively moan when you tell them, “I’m coming” since they take deep pleasure from the very fact that they are giving you pleasure. These are the girls who instinctively grab you when you are on top of them and you start raising your upper body on your arms because you want to thrust more intensely, but instead they want you to remain as close as possible to them, with your chest on top of them and your skin in contact with theirs. These are the girls who are happy to have anal sex and they are actually excited by that, but not doggy style, they want you to lay down on top of them and they want to feel closeness while you fuck them in the ass, especially at the very beginning while it hurts for them. Etc.

These girls are truly sweet, and they are also truly horny in my experience. Simply put, these girls are fantastic.

You provide her with material value

There are girls for whom emotions may or may not be important, but then there are other elements which are just as important or even more so when assessing a potential partner. There is an agenda basically, but just because a girl has an agenda it doesn’t mean she is necessarily ill-intentioned – not always, at least.

Maybe she is a sweet and lovable girl who wants to start a family and give birth to two kids, and feeling a genuine connection with her future husband is as important as making sure that he is a reliable and financially stable person. The girl in question is looking for a Provider basically, and things like his dependability are way more important than things like his Looks. Nothing wrong with any of this, of course, since this is how our society worked for decades when marriage still had some meaning and people were still having kids: it’s only normal for a woman to look for a reliable and dependable man when she’s planning on starting a family, and even if the idea of being that man doesn’t excite me in the slightest at this point in time, I’m sure there are plenty of guys who would be extremely happy of being that man.

Or maybe she is a single mother, and for her as well things like his dependability and his financial stability are as important or even more so than her raw sexual attraction she feels when looking at him.

Or maybe she lives in a conservative country and she is under a lot of social pressure from her family to find a man, and she proceeds to secure a “stable” (i.e. boring and possibly clueless) man in order to have a certain degree of control over the relationship and to maximise the chances he will stick around (otherwise she will be under even more social pressure and under some harsh judgement as well, since she wasn’t able to make the man commit to her).

In these first three cases, a girl may end up with a man who looks fairly different from the guys she usually has a crush on, she may end up with a man who doesn’t spark her emotions in that kind of way, since there are “material” elements she needs to prioritise over her emotions in her decision-making process. And this is fine to me, but with an important clarification.

Fact is, I don’t have absolutely anything against women who feel a biological urge to start a family and prioritise certain specific “qualities” in a man, nor do I have anything against single mothers who act upon their maternal instinct and proceed to look for the very same “qualities” in a man, nor do I have anything against women who plan on securing a certain type of man to deal with social pressure. But, and this is the key, I have nothing against those women as long as they don’t resent the man who makes it possible for them to secure whatever their real objective is.

If the woman in question can compensate the lack of raw sexual attraction for the man she has selected with a genuine appreciation of him for the stability and the dependability he is providing, and for the very fact that he cares about her and has feelings for her, this is fine with me. A little bit of sacrifice and focusing on the positives can do wonders to make sure that everyone is reasonably satisfied in a situation which may not be ideal but is made to work for the greater good, thanks to mutual effort and dedication.

If, on the other hand, the woman in question resents the man she has selected, because part of her knows that she needs whatever it is that he puts on the table, while the other part of her hates him and refuses to accept the situation, then, “Houston we’ve had a problem”. In cases like this, the man is treated like an unappreciated piece of dirt and will eventually be dumped, either when a better replacement has been identified or when whatever it is he was putting on the table is no longer needed. I thoroughly detest this sort of women, I really do.

Last year I went to Malta for a weekend, and while I was sightseeing I happened to bump into a newly married couple who was having some wedding photos taken in the historic part of the city. The scene I saw was so cringeworthy that I remember it to this day, but before talking about that, let’s go through a scene from the TV series Lie to Me. As I mentioned already (see here), Lie to Me is part of what I used to get skilled at reading body language, and it’s particularly good to get a better grasp of the so-called “micro-expression”. This is the transcript from that scene, with Dr. Cal Lightman talking to his ex-wife about their divorce (“The Better Half” – season 1, episode 10):

Dr. Lightman: That’s it, then? People just change and then they move on?

Ex-wife: Are you saying that I’m the one that changed?

Dr. Lightman: You left me. You left.

Ex-wife: Yeah, I left because of you.

Dr. Lightman: Oh, it’s my fault now?

Ex-wife: No, I’m saying that you should take a hard look at what happened before you start blaming me.

Dr. Lightman: Hey, I saw what happened! I saw what was happening! I could see the doubt, I could see the doubt, when you were standing on the bloody altar!

One of the downsides of being skilled at reading body language is that you actually see everything, and at times it would be better not to see things so clearly. Sure, the above scene is fictional, but many times already I was able to give a precise meaning to some almost imperceptible body movements or facial expressions, only to end up “not being delighted” by what I knew it meant.

Back to the newly married couple in Malta. I only saw the two of them for a few seconds, while they were getting ready to have some photos taken in a side street of the old town. The groom touched the bride on the shoulder, as to suggest how they should have positioned themselves for the photo, and she dismissed him with a look full of resentment and disdain. It was fucking cringeworthy to see, considering that they literarily just got married, and the above scene from Lie to Me came back to mind in that occasion. That woman clearly belonged to that second group of despicable women who settle down (for some time, at least) with men they actually resent.

At the bottom of the women looking for material value there are Status Diggers and Gold Diggers, which I both truly despise.

If you are the main DJ in the “in” club of your city, the women going after you will be interested only in what your status represents in their eyes. Simple as that. And if instead of you there was Joe as main DJ of that club, for them it wouldn’t have made any difference whatsoever, and they would have simply gone after Joe. You as a person are completely interchangeable for a Status Digger, the only thing that counts to her is to be associated to whoever happens to be in that position of status, and this is why my consideration for the Status Diggers is so low (couldn’t be lower in all fairness).

Same for the Gold Diggers: they are interested in a fat wallet that doesn’t mind being taken advantage of. Apart from that, whoever that fat wallet belongs to isn’t important at all.

To some extent, the element of interchangeability is a constant with all girls mentioned in this section, but it’s definitely less and definitely more understandable for the well-intentioned girls we covered at the beginning.

She is horny

Do you remember when I said that a girl can get sex whenever she wants?

If you end up having sex with a girl and afterwards you realise she was interested in a one-time thing only, and if the only resistance you had was of the token type (if even that…), and if she wasn’t submissive to you nor did she seem genuinely interested in you, then guess what… she was just horny and you happened to be there.

Sure, you approached her, you escalated things properly, you beat the competition if there was some, etc. But the fact still remains… she was just horny and you happened to be there.

I had my share of girls who were just horny, and I don’t have good memories of those encounters, mainly because the element of interchangeability was clear in hindsight. They were horny and looking for someone to discretely fuck them, no strings attached. I happened to be there and I managed to escalate things properly. Nothing to be proud of really. Those girls weren’t genuinely interested in me, and as such those experiences left me somewhat empty. My dick is not so easily available, and since I learnt my lessons there, I now tend to steer clear of those one-time things. Unless I’m horny myself that is.

The Essentials:
• Fundamentals