After the opener

When unlearning is more important than learning

In the previous post we have gone through my daygame opener, covering all the steps from the “initial stop” up to until “Checkpoint #3”.

If the girl passes Checkpoint #3 with flying colours, for all intent and purposes the opener has served its scope, which was to get the conversation started. As such, now it’s time to have a little conversation with the cutie you have just stopped.

But before even looking at the technicalities of that short conversation, it’s appropriate to fully acknowledge the objective of this second phase of the approach:

● Get her agreement to meet up again, with the unspoken understanding that it will be your opportunity to start escalating things smoothly yet firmly towards physical intimacy with her.

Indeed. You approach a girl because you desire her sexually, and guess what? Girls are fully aware of this, and this is why the worthy ones gracefully make sure not to let you come too close if they aren’t currently interested in you, while the miserable ones downright overreact. Girls are very much pragmatic when it comes to intersexual dynamics, very much so. Guys, on the other hand, tend to live in the realm of fairy tales to start with, and there is a hell of a lot of social conditioning to undo in order to start playing the game on equal footing, because if the social conditioning we received while growing up doesn’t get removed, we head towards a life of romantic and sexual misery.

Let’s take the guys from the so-called “Generation Y” as an example, i.e. the guys born between the beginning of the ‘80s and the middle of the ‘90s. I’m part of this generation myself, and I think we were the last ones who were raised to be future providers. In defence of our parents, they didn’t know any better back then, since there is always a meaningful lag between cause and effect when it comes to macro-societal trends, and they had their own pre-existing social conditioning to deal with. But anyway, no matter how we got there, the fact remains that we were raised based on the “be a good boy / study hard / get good grades / get a good job / have a loving wife materialise / live happily ever after” model. As a result, from a very young age, we were instilled the idea that our ultimate aspiration in life was to be a Nice Guy with a good job, and that girls were pure creatures to be worshipped and be taken care of. Mass media in all its various forms, ranging from romantic Disney cartoons to all the “Nice Guy finish first” kind of movies, played another important role in making sure that such an outdated social conditioning was instilled deep within us.

To put it simply, while growing up we were taught to hide our dick and be romantic Nice Guys instead. I mean, light years ahead compared to the younger generations, who are at the receiving end of a pathetic SJW campaign to have them convinced that having a dick is wrong and shameful in the first place, but still…

As such, the concept of “hiding your dick” is the first thing you need to unlearn: you approach a girl because you are attracted to her, and because you are planning to eventually fuck her. And the sooner you become fully comfortable in looking at things from this new perspective, the better your romantic life will be.

Rule #1
Don’t be ashamed of having a dick and wanting to use it.

After making this important mindset adjustment, let’s proceed with the remaining steps of the approach.

H. Conversation

Here there are yet more things to unlearn, and yet more social conditioning to undo. We really need to go back to basics, and we need to do so in multiple directions.

First off, you need to urgently unlearn that “attraction can be generated though words” and as such “you have to make her attracted to you during the conversation”. Those two concepts are both false, and I think they were pushed in the first place by snake oil salesmen with a “secret system” to sell.

Instead, what you have to do during the conversation is the following:

● First, appear as a normal individual
● Then, appear as a confident individual
● Finally, appear as a somewhat interesting individual

That’s right, you have to do “just” that.

In terms of appearing normal, the most important thing to do is to not creep her out during the “initial stop”. Social Calibration is king here, and it will tell you how to proceed. And no matter what your current Social Calibration looks like, do yourself a favour and completely ignore the various cringeworthiness you may have read online, like for instance appearing in front of the girl all of a sudden, or touching her on the shoulder/arm in order to “pre-opener” her (what this does is to “pre-creep her out” instead).

In terms of appearing confident, what you have to do is the following:

● Don’t shake
● Speak slowly
● Stop smiling
● Be comfortable with pauses and silence
● Remain present in the very moment

The above list may look like a straightforward tickbox exercise at first glance, but I can guarantee you that once you are out there approaching girls with whom you have a real shot, it won’t be such an easy thing to do, especially at the beginning. And by the way, approaching girls who are much hotter than you doesn’t really count, because those are approaches to show courage, and not approaches to seduce, as we will see.

It goes without saying that the only way to improve on this point is through field practice, because no amount of textbook information, visualization exercises and mental hacks are going to do the trick: you need to put yourself out there, and you need to work on this skill like you would with any other one, through trial and error that is. There is really no other way.

Still, in terms of making things easy for you, it’s appropriate to remember that approaching girls and then sleeping with them is not a big deal, no matter what kind of big a deal it may currently seem to you. Don’t let the shaming campaigns pushed by bitter feminazis and their SJW pets have any effect on you, since those miserable beings are just overcompensating for their own internal misery, and remember something else instead.

Rule #1
Approaching a girl to hit on her should be no different than approaching a girl to ask her the time.

That’s right, and “all” you have to do to is to start treating girls again like you were doing before puberty hit on you, like clueless little things that is ;)

In terms of appearing somewhat interesting, I don’t have much to say here, mainly because the way I look always made me “somewhat interesting” by default, and as such I never really had to work on this point specifically. This doesn’t mean that I got any girl I ever approached, far from it, but what it means is that if she wasn’t interested after exchanging a few lines, it was pointless to go any further than that. My biggest recommendation is to keep working on your Fundamentals, in order to increase the proportion of “yes girls” out there and stop bothering with the “maybe girls”, and then keep experimenting different things to hone your conversation skill. This is yet another skill to hone through trial and error, but to just put things in the right perspective, if you manage to keep the first two elements in check (i.e. appear normal and appear confident) on top of approaching the girl in the first place, then you already at elite level, since very few guys actually go this far in real life.

In my experience, I noticed that I need to exchange a few sentences after the opener and before proposing the girl to meet up again, because otherwise the approach feels like routine to her, she gets the impression that I’m treating her like a commodity, and consequently she auto-rejects. This is bad in terms of getting anywhere with a girl, and let’s keep in mind that things in real life tend to differ quite significantly compared to what you may or may not have read online. As such, let’s create yet another Rule #1 to drive the point home.

Rule #1
Your approach must not feel like routine to her.

Let’s have a look at how my conversations tend to go, starting from the final part of the opener:

[…]

Are you single?

<checkpoint #2>

Yes

Cool, when I saw you I thought you looked sweet, and I fancied talking with you :)

My name is Cool Guy.

My name is Cutie.

Nice to meet you. You have an interesting name, where is it from?

Some people say that it’s a good idea to let the girl eventually ask for your name, in order to “gauge her interest”, and while there surely is some validity there, I don’t like that overall idea too much. The fact is that the sweetest girls, who happen to be the shiest as well, won’t be so “forward” with you, also because the very act of being approached by a complete stranger in the middle of the day may freak them out a little bit, hence I suggest you take charge of the conversation and you guide the girl through it, giving her time to progressively warm up towards you.

Also, girls at times forget to ask you for your name back, even if they are interested, because they are a bit overwhelmed, hence either ask them for their name directly, or wait for a nice little tease to materialise already. And by the way, I don’t do any hand shaking when we introduce ourselves, because it seems too formal and it gives away the fact that I’m trying to pick her up in the eyes of the people around us. No big deal for me, sure, but let’s remember that social pressure is a big thing for girls instead, hence no need to create a spotlight just because.

My name is from [that region/nation].

Ah ok, so you are [that nationality]. Nice.

Have you been living here long?

Yes, a couple of years. And you, where are you from?

Here it’s easy to fall into the “muh can you guess?” trap, and if the girl is warm towards me already, I actually let her guess and then tease her on what a terrible guesser she is. But most of the times I tend to go with something different, because not all girls are that warm right off the bat.

I’m European.

That’s a nice one, and basically it’s an answer which doesn’t really answer her question. As such, she will ask a follow-up question, starting to “invest” in you pretty much. Let’s look at an alternative answer.

Actually, I’m from the North Pole, have you ever been there?

Another nice one, and if she doesn’t start smiling at this point, then it means that she won’t be a good fit for me, since she’s way too serious.

If she’s local, and by the way I talk it is very much clear that I’m not, an answer which I particularly like is:

I’m [same nationality as her] as well, but I forgot the language at some point, and I had to re-learn it!

My facial expression when I give any of the above answers is always playfully dumb yet pretending to be serious, and the kind of girls I like go nuts for the mix of decisiveness/masculinity on one side, and cute foolishness on the other side. The important thing is to not overdo things, because finding the right balance is essential in every kind of interaction with a girl. For instance, after answering the above question in a dumb and teasing way, then I go back to a serious and mildly detached expression, and when she asks me yet another question, I reply in full unimpressed Cool Guy mode: not cold, but not excited either, just like someone who has bigger fish to fry pretty much. Again, Social Calibration is king here.

Going back to the above playfully dumb reply, anything ranging from Strong Independent Women who have somehow infiltrated my Remote Screening Mechanism on one side, to broken sluts who have become completely emotionless on the other side, those women tend not to react very well to that playfulness of mine, and that’s a clear bonus since life is much better without their seriousness and their inability to feel emotions.

Moving on, I tend to keep the interaction extremely brief before going for the close, hence on top of the “conversation” we have seen so far, I tend to add only a few more questions/observations before proposing her to meet up again. It’s a delicate balance indeed, because on one side you don’t want to overdo things at the risk of making a mistake, on the other side you need to create some sort of connection/interest in order for the girl to eventually come out on a date with you. Once again, your Social Calibration will lead you the way, and trial are error is how you build your reference map.

Before looking at the close, there is some more unlearning to do.

Once I made the mistake of watching a few videos on YouTube by various Try Hards from the States. The problem with those videos is that if you already have a basic understanding of how things work in real life, then you just laugh them off and all is good. On the other side, if a guy who is just getting started is led to believe that that sort of clown behaviour is how to successfully get a girl in real life, then there is clearly a problem, because the guy will start from a position of clear disadvantage once he hits the streets.

If you have ever watched any of those videos, what those dudes are doing surely seem like a lot of fun to me, quite possibly even more fun than approaching girls for real, since what they are doing is going around while not giving a fuck and taking the piss. And that is all well and good if you want to have some real fun with your mates while not giving a fuck, but do not expect those “tricks” to work with the girls, because if you were to approach a girl doing exactly what those dudes do in the videos, this is how she will perceive you:

78-1.jpg

Fact it, the behaviour of those dudes in the videos isn’t intended to impress girls in real life, but rather to impress guys on the Web.

At the opposite side of the spectrum, you also need to remember not to start reading your Curriculum Vitae out loud after stopping the girl, because quite frankly she couldn’t care less about your professional achievements, your seventeen and a half highly exciting hobbies, how many countries you have lived in, etc. If you start listing how cool you are, all the way while pronouncing words at the speed of light pretty much, she will surely have the impression that you are trying “a bit to hard” to impress her, and the end result will be just the opposite of what you were hoping for.

As such, all you have to do is to remain chill and give the impression that she’s not a big deal, because she isn’t really. This may sound cliché, but once you become experienced its meaning will be crystal clear to you, and you will fully embrace its validity: the best way to impress a girl is by not trying to impress her.

Rule #1
Never explicitly try to impress a girl.

After exchanging a few sentences each, or generally speaking after going through the usual verbal exchange which is needed to make the girl somewhat interested in you depending on your own underlying Fundamentals, you stop the conversation on a high note and you go for the close.

If that high note is not there, meaning that the conversation doesn’t seem to go anywhere and the girl hasn’t warmed up towards you yet, but at the same time she hasn’t shown any signs of the Dealbreaker Triangle, you stop plowing and you go for the close, especially at the beginning, since it will give you priceless reference memories.

After all this talking, the most important thing to remember is that girls are very much pragmatic when it comes to intersexual dynamics. For instance, one of the clear benefits of having done the Tinder experiment was to have some first-hand experience of that pragmatism of theirs. Seriously guys, read that post and look at the replies the male model got when he proposed sex right off the bat. Sure, his Fundamentals are extreme and both me and you are not at that level, but it’s important to look at the pragmatism of the girls who wanted to have sex with him. As you can see, they were not playing the “poor little creature who doesn’t know what she wants” show, because that show is reserved for the guys they aren’t interested in, as a way to fend off their interest by claiming full chastity and pure innocence (sure).

As such, when you are out approaching girls, remember that pragmatism of theirs, and treat the approach purely as a business transaction.

Let’s assume that you own a women’s shoes shop, and a girl enters the shop. You greet her cordially, you exchange a few circumstantial sentences, and you let her assess whether she’s interested in buying the shoes or not. If she isn’t interested in buying the shoes, for whatever reason, and she wishes you well with a smile on her face before reaching for the door, what are you going to do? Run after her and supplicate her to buy the shoes, because you are such a well-intentioned salesman and as such you “clearly deserve” the transaction? Or maybe you are going to play the victim role, begging her to buy the shoes because otherwise you won’t be able to cover the rent next month? Or what about starting to compulsively explain how nice those shoes really are, how elaborate the manufacturing process really was, how in-demand with the other girls they really are, etc?

Or maybe, after the girl has let you know that she’s not interested in buying the shoes, and she wished you well with a smile or her face, you let her go while saying goodbye and smiling back at her??

Going back to approaching girls, and assuming you don’t want to act like a pathetic simp, that last behaviour is exactly what you are going to do, without any pointless chasing: she’s not interested in you for whatever reason, and she can go; you instead, you keep your back straight and carry on with the rest of your day.

If, in our example, girls keep entering the shop but they keep not buying your shoes, you only have to options really: change the product line, because the shoes you currently stock don’t sell that well, or make the shopping experience more pleasurable, in order to stimulate purchases.

Conversely, when you are out approaching girl and you don’t like the results you are getting, you either change your Fundamentals (i.e. the product line), or the execution (i.e. the shopping experience), or both.

One thing you don’t change is the pragmatic business mentality though: you stop a few girls in a calibrated way, you have some light chit chat with them, you absolutely don’t try to impress them; if they play along that’s fine, otherwise you carry on with the rest of your day.

I. Close

We were saying that you stop the conversation on a high note and go for the close.

This phase is extremely important, because it sets the tone for the follow-up conversation you will have with the girl through text, if any.

Well, now I need to go, but we can meet up again for a walk

Sure

Cool, here’s my phone, type in your number

<she types in her number>

Bye!

Bye

There are multiple things to pay attention to there.

The first one is that I invite the girl for a walk, rather than for a drink. Both choices are surely fine, but I prefer to invite for a walk for multiple reasons: first off, everyone else invites for a drink, and as such I invite for something else instead; then, a walk together in the city centre is going to appear more casual and less demanding to the girl compared to say spending a full hour having a drink with someone she doesn’t know pretty much at all; finally, if the girl is purely interested in getting a free drink out of me, she will be put off by my invitation for a walk. Ironically enough, more often than not we then go for a drink on the date itself, but on the approach I like to invite girls for a walk.

Then, I pay attention not to say “see you soon” when going away, and I opt for a casual “bye” instead, mainly because the “see you soon” may seem a bit needy and may quite possibly signal to the girl that you take her for granted. Again, both options are surely fine, just could argue that I’m nit-picking here.

Leaving behind the minor details and focusing on the essential things instead, notice how I first get her agreement to meet up again, and then go for her phone number. This is a fundamental concept, since the phone number is not an objective in itself, but rather it will be a mere tool needed to set up the previously agreed date.

Getting her phone number to chase her through text, “hoping” that she will eventually agree to come out on a date with you, that is something cringeworthy indeed, and as such you need to stop doing it immediately.

When discussing Approach Invitations, I shared a real-life example of a girl who wanted me to take her phone number without agreeing to meet up again first. And do you remember what happened then? That’s right, she got written off, and I went away leaving her waving her phone mid-air, wondering what she did wrong I guess.

And since this concept is fundamental and sets the right tone for the texting phase which will follow, let’s start formalising the Rules of Texting:

Texting Rule #-2
First you will get her agreement to meet up again, then you will go for her number.

Quite possibly, there is some more unlearning for you to do there. And remember, if the girl is interested in you as a person, she will make things easy for you. On the other hand, if she’s interested in milking you for your attention only, she will act in such a way which extracts the maximum amount of free validation out of you, while making sure to remain firmly out of your reach. And when the day comes when you have provided her with all the validation you could have provided her with while remaining firmly out of her reach, it’s not that she will finally concede herself to you, not in the slightest: she will disappear from you, and she will secure a different orbiter instead.

That’s “fine”, this is how things work with game-playing girls, and this is why it’s so important to filter them out by first getting their agreement to meet up again, and then going for the number.

Moving on, the other fundamental thing is the phone number itself.

Texting Rule #-1
Either she’s willing to give you her phone number, or you will write her off.

Indeed. It’s either her number or nothing, since you are going to reject any attempt to exchange Facebook details, Instagram details, email addresses, etc. If she’s not willing to give you her number, it means that she’s not really interested in you. That’s no big deal at all, the usual musical twist always applies:

You are now-now rockin’ with will.i.am and fuck you bitch

The way I talk may seem a bit ruthless to you guys, and quite possibly my mother is right when she “jokingly” says that I don’t have a heart, but in order to protect your consideration of the worthy girls out there, you have to be ruthless when dealing with the unworthy girls instead. Your own wellbeing, in addition to your consideration of the worthy girls out there, will remain intact as a result.

Putting it all together

No matter which opener you decide to use, the most important thing to remember is to not creep her out on the approach.

Then, once you are talking with her, focus on these things only to start with:

● Don’t shake
● Speak slowly
● Stop smiling
● Be comfortable with pauses and silence
● Remain present in the very moment

During the conversation itself, don’t try to impress her and keep the interaction light.

After a few sentences, and your Social Calibration will tell you how many sentences you are usually going to need, propose her to meet up again.

If she agrees to meet up with you again, let her save her number on your phone. If she doesn’t, carry on with the rest of you day.

Guys, that is really all there is to it!

Related Post:
• My daygame opener

The Essentials:
• Fundamentals
Game